Cleft Lip... Our journey

Just one of those days

2012-02-16T21:48:00.001-08:00

As a nurse there are those days. Those days when all you want is to be with your kids. To hold onto them and never let go. Well, today was one of those days and that's just what I did.

Now that we have made it through the worst of our journey I can say that I am thankful for Graham's cleft. I am thankful that that's all it was. Thankful that I have my baby to hold every night. But at the same time I am so sad that there are parents out there that don't have that, either because they have lost their children or their little ones have been in the hospital for some ungodly amount of time.

366 day 48
Behind by a few but I needed to post this one tonight.
Tonight I am thankful!

This little one

2012-02-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

will not be put down.

But, I wouldn't have it any other way!

{eight} months

2012-02-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

Grahamers,

You are eight months old. I say this each and every month, but each and every month I am in shock that you are growing up so fast. I am sad to say that this month has been a huge one, developmentally. Not that I am not proud of all you have learned, but it just makes it so clear that you are indeed growing up and won't be a baby forever.

You are the typical third child and I love it. Your momma spoils you something fierce and I have no qualms about it. You are my baby and always will be. And yes, someday your brothers will tease you about it, but coming from one that is also the youngest, enjoy it.

You are a momma's boy! Your eyes light up with I walk in the room. I could eat you up. You melt my heart everyday with that crooked little smile, double dimple on the left cheek and big blue eyes.

I have learned to embrace your midnight feedings. I know this only lasts for a short time, so I will take the extra snuggles. You win!

You love to eat, finding the most joy and enthusiasm for homemade sweet potatoes and bananas wtih blueberries. You have mastered the pincer grip and now can get about 50% of the cheerios/puffs to your mouth. Bella's ok with that though. We still mainly just do solids for dinner... purely because momma is lazy. Need I remind you G, you are number 3! You still love to nurse All. Day. Long. though.

You have quite the little personality coming through. You let us know that you hate being put down and you especially hate being put down AND left alone. Heaven forbid momma go to the bathroom by herself. Once again, it's ok, cause I don't like to leave you anyhow. You recently learned to play peek a boo. And I especially love the shy little head tilt you do when people say hi to you. You are now a babbling fool. My favorite of which is "ma ma ma ma". If you could be on your feet all day long you would be the happiest baby in the world. You think you are pretty hot stuff.

You got your first tooth this month and you are flirting with crawling.

Sleep, oh beautiful sleep. Although you are still waking at night I can't complain. You have turned a corner and are a champion napper, now that we have you on a schedule. After waking up around 7:30 you are usually ready to go back down about 9:30 for 1-2 hours and then again around 2 for another 2 hours. You let us know when you are ready for bed around 7:30-8pm.

Graham, I've said it before and I'll say it again... You were meant for us. I love the way you love your brother and they love you. I am so excited to watch you guys grow and change. I pray that you guys always remain the best of friends.

I love you little man. More than you will ever know.

Playing catch up

2012-02-14T11:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it to the big board!
Can't be more proud of what I do and who I do it for.
Thanks to all those who made this possible.

Last week Alex finally got his long awaited play date with "Wi-yum" and "Maf-u".
It was so good to get the boys together and, amazingly, they did awesome playing. Kathryn and I got to enjoy some much needed girl and baby time. And I got to take some cute pics of Matthew. Love that chubby little guy.

This is what I see nearly every weekend. Dan and Tyler hanging out on the couch playing Wii. I never thought Dan would be a gamer. Graham is already taking notes.

Somebody got a tooth... and he's not too happy about it.
If you look really hard you can see the very beginnings of it poking out on the lower right. Poor little Graham Cracker.

I love my family.

Chaos, sweet chaos

2012-02-10T21:21:00.000-08:00

There's no way around it. I am not going to lie. With 3 boys our house is a place of constant chaos, controlled chaos. Whether it's the messes constantly being left behind, the boys relentless arguing or the animals insistent nagging, it never ends. It's my life. Although I dream of running a house similar to that of my sisters, with a place for everything and everything in it's place (and labeled), I have come to grips with the realization that it ain't gonna happen. My life is not pretty, it's not organized, and it most certainly is not labeled. But that's ok. Because you know what? This is MY life. I have found solace in the craziness that is boys. I know nothing else, after all. I do what I can and I don't stress about what I can't.

On any given day my kitchen may look like this...

Pure chaos, right?
It's all good. I have a few ways I have learned to deal with this.
Like throwing the crying baby on the floor in the sink to play, while I clean up everything else.

And all are happy!

A little sunshine

2012-02-10T18:05:00.000-08:00

is all you need!

...and maybe your most wonderful babysitter and friend, Margaret!

That beautifully sunny Seattle day... yeah, you remember that one, a couple of days ago.
Well, the boys and I broke out of the house and headed to Golden Gardens for a picnic lunch. Lucky for us, Margaret was close by and decided to join us.

Graham had his first taste of sand... and couldn't get enough.
Made for an interesting diaper later that night. Good thing I warned the babysitter.

Alex had a blast throwing rocks into the water and watching the fire boats water display.

And I got to practice a little in manual mode with natural lighting.
Loved it!

Try as I might, this was as close I got to a brothers picture. Alex was too interested in the Army helicopter flying by and Graham couldn't get enough of that delicious sand.
Nice boys, nice!

I can't wait for more days like this and the outings that await us!

I got the crafting bug

2012-02-10T17:46:00.000-08:00

and it didn't stop here.

More to follow!

Handmade chalk board for morning love notes

♥

I love...

2012-02-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

that this big guy still loves his swing.

Sure, he's huge. Sure, it looks rediculous. And sure, we go through A LOT of batteries.

But hey, when it buys you a few extra minutes to make dinner, I'll take it.

I sure am going to miss this swing when it's gone.

Monday Monday

2012-01-31T22:44:00.000-08:00

Most monday mornings you can find Graham, Alex and I geared up for our weekly run with our friends Wendy and Lucy followed by coffee and snacks at Starbucks. This week it happened that we did it on tuesday. Nonetheless, we had a blast and the weather even cooperated and we got to squeeze in a quick swing at the park after rounding the lake. The little ones loved it, blue lips, frozen hands and all!

Alex and Erin

2012-01-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

Sitting in a tree...

These two can't get enough of each other. On any given day I am pretty sure they utter each other's names at least 10 times. So glad I have all these pictures for blackmail when they are older.

Week in review

2012-01-29T23:58:00.000-08:00

Dan and I finally got to enjoy a date night. Not quite sure when the last time we went out, just us, was. It was heaven!

Coming home after a long day at work to this little face is better than I could ever imagine it would be.

Being the third there is not a whole lot that Graham gets that the other boys didn't. Well, apparently I love him more because I have entered into the world of homemade baby food. No, it's not really that I love him more, it's just that I am just lucky to have a friend like Wendy who lets me borrow her awesome babycook. It is so easy and fast there is no reason not to make my own baby food... and Graham seems to prefer the homemade stuff to the store bought. Not to mention, the feeling of proudness I get when I am feeding him the food that I have made with the organic fruits and veggies I bought is totally worth it.

A time!
Alex and I don't get a lot of one on one time. So, the other day when we got home from the gym I quickly put Graham down for his nap, made myself a cup of coffee and sat down with my little man to play some Memory. It was so worth it to hear his little voice say "I wuv you mommy" over and over while playing our version of the game.

Graham snuggles after a long day at work... priceless!

366 {day 23}

2012-01-25T22:47:00.000-08:00

From January

This is Graham's favorite thing to do these days.

When he can find someone that will let him do it.

Round Two

2012-01-25T22:27:00.000-08:00

With three boys that have all been prone to ear infections I have gotten to be very good friends with this

It's a miracle drug for fussy, hurting, infected little boys.

Graham had his first ear infection 6 weeks ago. We treated him with antibiotics because it appeared a little more purulent than Dr. C would like to see. We completed a 10 day course and went on with out life. Graham, however, never quite got back to his norm. I blamed it on teeth. I was sure those suckers were coming any day. After all, it couldn't be his ear, we treated it... right? I took advantage of all the extra snuggles and the clinginess and treated the little guy with some occasional Tylenol.
He wasn't super fussy, but he just wasn't himself. But how could I, a nurse, take him in to the doctor and say, he doesn't have a temperature, he isn't super fussy or inconsolable, he isn't constantly rubbing his ear, but he's just "off"? I should know what's wrong with him, right?
Well, I got over myself today. I bit the bullet and took the poor little guy in.
Sure enough he still has his double ear infection. And it's worse.
Way to go nurse mom. You rocked this one... NOT!

8 years together

2012-01-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

Marriage.

I am not going to sugar coat it, it's tough. There have definitely been days I wanted to throw in the towel.

I remember the day I was married like it was yesterday. The white dress, the pink flowers. It was the day I had always dreamed of. Perfect. People gave their advice. Marriage is work they would say. No, I thought, not if you find the right person.

Boy was I wrong. Even with the right person it will always be a work in process.

Two deployments, 5 years on active duty, 3 houses, 3 years in Law School, 5 years in the National Guard, 3 boys and a cleft lip later we have managed to survive. There were times I wasn't sure we would. But we did. And I truly believe we are better for that. No, every day is not sunshine and roses, but what is? We have weather pleanty of storms and come out of it together.

Together... the best place to be.

Thank you for the best 8 years of my life.

I am a better person because of you.

I can't wait to see what the next eighty bring!
I love you.

It's official...

2012-01-23T16:44:00.000-08:00

Our stubborn, hard headed and defiant two year old is indeed potty trained!

I honestly never thought this day would come.
We've been working on it for awhile but for fear of jinxing myself I haven't wanted to blog about it. We promised we wouldn't force him. We all know, the harder you pressure Alex to do anything, the more defiant he is. It absolutely must be his idea. All we did was provide him with the necessary tools, and maybe some thomas the train treats. It was completely his idea. Completely.

Just goes to show you that a little bribery can go a long way!
Way to go Alex. We are so proud of you.

Done and done!

2012-01-23T16:28:00.000-08:00

Well, not really. But pretty darn close. It has only taken me 4 months to get the pictures on the wall. Give me another 4 months and maybe he will have some window coverings that actually go with his room.

Hey, we can't let him forget he is indeed the third child. At least he gets his own room!

Snowmageddon 2012

2012-01-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

I am probably one of the few people in Seattle that prays for snow every year. I love it. I love when the boys get to stay home from school and we get to stay in our jammies and curl up by the fire all. day. long! I know, I am crazy.

I will say though, by friday I was ready to send them back to school! Especially since Dan missed Snowmageddon 2012 because he was hanging out on the beach, mai tai in hand enjoying 82 degree weather in Honolulu. Rough, huh?

Alex, while not a fan at first, warmed up to the snow. He lasted all of about 12 minutes.
But it was a great 12 minutes!

That's when the big kids hit the slopes!

The adults stayed warm by the fire, drinking hot tamales and "supervising".

while the kids sledded until their hearts were content... and their bellies were ready for some hot chocolate.

I think it's safe to say we got them pretty tuckered out...
mission accomplished!

Abby showed us what she's got.

And, heaven forbid, we call it a day without a little snow wrestling.
Ugh, boys will be boys!

Take that Snowmageddon!

Capturing life

2012-01-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

Oh how far we've come

2012-01-18T16:08:00.000-08:00

Today marks the anniversary of the day that we found out Graham Henry would be born with a cleft lip. If you asked me that day where we would be in one year I may not have been able to answer you. The tears, the fears, the unknown, it was all so overwhelming. I was pretty sure my life was over. I questioned every thing there was about life and God. How could He do this to our family, to me? How could He do this to my baby? Why?

I vividly remember feeling like I couldn't breath. I was pretty sure my life was ending.

Well, here I am. Here we are. We survived and we are better than I ever could have imagined. Graham is the best thing that could have happened to our family. So, apparently, The Big Guy does know what he is doing. After all, He doesn't give you more than you can handle, right? And although my baby was born different than most, he was born perfect in our eyes. Just the way he was meant to be.

So, for all those out there that are facing an unexpected diagnosis don't be ashamed to feel your feelings. Let them loose. But know, you will make it through and there IS a reason. I truly believe that God choses us for these babies because He knows we are exactly what they need.

Have faith and trust in Him.

The little number seven

2012-01-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

Seven

Months

Old

Graham Crackers you are growing up too fast for this momma. You simply must slow down.

Ok, I guess that's not an option. Someday I'll get over it.

You continue to be momma's little boy... thank you for that. You also continue to be mostly happy although the fussiness has been increasing over the past few weeks. Teeth, mile stones, your cold... who knows? Lucky for me you generally settle in with a few snuggles and some nursing. Unlucky for your brothers, you are attached to my hip (or boob) when you are awake. We survive though.

Your sleep habits are improving. Thank goodness! We have fallen into a pretty nice routine. You tend to nap twice a day in your bed for anywhere from 1-2 hours and catch a few catnaps in between while on the go. Bedtime is 8pm on. the. dot. for you. You don't seem to make it much past that before you are rubbing your eyes and wanting to be nursed and put down. We have found that waking you to feed you around 11pm (when we are getting ready for bed) works nicely and you tend to then sleep until 7-8am. On days that I work I wake you to feed you again at 6am and you have been known to sleep until 9:30.

You eat, a little, but you don't seem to prefer it. Banana's and sweet potatoes seem to be your favorite today. The avacado caused a severe gagging reaction as if I was trying to poison you. You LOVE your mum mum's and are just now beginning to be able to pick up puffs and get about every eighth one to your mouth. You make Bella a happy dog.

You still have a big gummy smile with no signs of teeth as of yet.

A certain someone (eh-em) is trying to teach you to do all those big boy things like crawling and standing. But you seem to be quite content sitting, playing with your toys and watching your brothers. I love love love that you love me. If I put you down and walk away, even 3 feet, you look at me with the saddest puppy dog eyes and pouty little face. When I get home from work and call your name you look all around until you find me. Then you reach for me with excitement and snuggle your little head into me. HEAVEN!
Graham baby, you are heaven sent. It has been exactly one year since we found out you were a boy. And although it may have been a shock at the time, I couldn't imagine my life any other way. You were indeed meant for this family. You have taught us so much in your short 7 months. Understanding, compassion, acceptance and unconditional love are lessons that you have brought to each one of us. Thank you for being you Crackers. We love you to the moon and back and back again!

366 day 13 and 14

2012-01-16T22:28:00.000-08:00

This is my Daddy-O.
Despite much tension and excitement during the 49er's/Saint's game, he found time to take a little nap. I think it was all a little too much for him.
Love you Dad!

Yes, he was napping through all of this!

One little boy's room continues to be the bane of my existence.

And this is what it looks like when it is clean!

I am in the midst of "organizing" millions of Lego's into different bins based on size and color. Yes, that entire black thing is full of Lego's. It's tedious, it's annoying and I fear that I am going to get this all done, take a picture of it (to prove to myself that at one point it was done) and that will be the end of that. Now if only I could get Tyler as excited about it as I am, maybe it would last.

Day 4-12 of 366

2012-01-16T21:56:00.000-08:00

Tub time with the boys... priceless.

♥

The moments that I wish I could hold onto forever.

♥
Day 10. Graham is 7 months today! Say it ain't so!

♥
I kind of L.O.V.E these chubby little legs.

♥
This is what we get to see out our back window most mornings of the week.
And THIS is why I love the northwest. We like to call him Baldy.

♥
Day 7: We finally got a play date with our friend William.

♥
Dinner with my mom and sibs... so.much.fun.

♥
The love birds.
There is not a day that goes by that this little girl is not talked about in our house. What was the FIRST thing he said after going poop on the potty for the first time, "Mommy, A-win will be so pwoud of me.".
Yes Alex, yes she will!

♥
Who doesn't love a baby in a cardigan sweater?

Getting there....

2012-01-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

I am going to admit it right now. I will tell you that a majority of my project 365+1 photos will be of Graham. No, it's not because I love him more. It's simply because he is the only one of my children that can't run away from me when I pull out the camera.

I am loving watching Ty in all his sports.

Currently we are in basketball season and he is having a blast.

Project 365 + 1

2012-01-14T22:14:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm doing it. I am jumping in with both feet.

I may be 2 weeks late but I WILL do it.

I HAVE to.

Let's start with day 1

The next 13 days coming at you... tomorrow.
Goodnight.

My Big Sis

2012-01-10T21:42:00.000-08:00

and her girl.

I have always looked up to my big sister, that's no lie. She kind of rocks. Unfortunately, she had to go and get her NNP. Then she had to go and leave Children's. I miss working with her. Anyone who knows Colleen probably can't believe I am saying this, but I do. I miss her 5 S'ing ways. Her perfectly straight charting. Her perfectly organized morning rounds and even the missing coffee's. We all complained when she was in the midst of her "arranging", but little did we know we would miss it when she was gone. Swedish is pretty darn lucky to have you!
Lucky for me I get to see her, occasionally, outside of work. Lucky for me she has the most wonderful 8 year old that I get to call my niece. And lucky for me, I get to take pictures of them whenever I want. On this particular day Claire was sick with a 100.8 degree temp and strep throat. You wouldn't know it though. Such a trooper. Thanks for putting up with us Claire Bear.
Love you two to peices!

Our little Christmas

2012-01-06T10:42:00.000-08:00

Merry and Bright!

It all started out when we picked out our tree.

Although a certain mom was VERY ill prepared for some VERY cold weather it turned out to be a success. Thank goodness for bonfires to warm our hands and hot cider to warm our hearts. Lauren and Jeff, lets do it again next year, but this time we will bring jackets and wear socks.

Then came the decorating. Graham was a huge help finding all the dead bulbs on the light strand.
I couldn't have done it without him.

Christmas Eve was here before we knew it. We dressed in our Holiday best and headed off to mass. Following service was the annual Rockwell Christmas Eve dinner.

The Big Guy in red even made an appearance.

Anxious to see what he might bring them the boys had a tough time going, and staying, asleep.
After a late night of making sure everything was perfect for Santa I hopped into bed at 0200. Not more than 45 minutes later we hear the pitter patter of Tyler's feet out in the living room. He came running into our room proclaiming, "Santa came and I got Lego's!". Much to his dismay we shooed him back to bed for at least a few more hours. 15 minutes later there is a rustle in the living room. Could it be Santa again? Nope, just Tyler back to see his loot. After much coercion, and maybe some threats, he got back into bed with strict instructions to not get out until at least 6:30am.
Somehow we made it to 7. We woke up the little boys and made the traditional stroll to the living room. That's when Alex finally got it. "A twain set. Santa brought me a twain set, wif Thomas and Percy too!".

My best gift of the day, a no pay. ALL. DAY. LONG.
I got to be home and celebrate with my family!

We played, rested, and played some more until it was time for dinner at Nana and Boppa's.

I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend Christmas. All my boys are happy and healthy and I couldn't be more thankful!

Santa Breakfast

2011-12-31T21:44:00.000-08:00

This year we were lucky enough to go to our very first Santa Breakfast courtesy of Patty, AKA Grandma B, and the Hofmeister's. The boys had so much fun visiting with Santa, watching the Nutcracker and playing with the clowns. What a wonderful event to be able to share in.
Thank you guys for including us on the special day.

Tyler may have even rubbed elbows with a certain Marcus Trufant.
Not sure who was more excited, Tyler or Dan.

Catching up and Little Lou Bug

2011-12-31T18:00:00.000-08:00

I am severely behind in my blogging. I've been in a funk and the further behind I got, the less I wanted to do it... until today. Figured if I was going to be laid up in bed all day with the flu I might as well get to editing and posting.

A few weeks back we were lucky enough to get Lucy for 2 whole days, while her momma and poppa worked. While it has temporarily put to rest my desire for a forth child, it still managed to be a lot of fun.

I even managed to get out for a run and staged a little photo shoot at Magnuson. Miss Lou is smitten with our Graham Baby.
I may have even tackled the University Village at Christmas time just for some time out of the house. Can't tell you how many looks I got and even some inquiries if they were twins. Really People?

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T22:23:00.000-08:00

From our family to yours.

Christmas Pageant

2011-12-22T16:44:00.000-08:00

The first of many!

So proud of my first grader.

{six} months

2011-12-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

It's taking some serious emotional strength tonight (and some wine) to write this post. I have been putting it off because I don't want it to be so. My LITTLE man is 6 months old.

One half of a year old.

178 days old.

4,272 hours old.

256,320 minutes old.

How is it so?

How is it that a year ago we didn't even know what this little bean was? We were eagerly awaiting January 18th to verify that we were in fact having a girl. I was SURE we were having a girl.

Now, here we are a family of 5. Four boys, one girl. And I couldn't imagine my life any other way.

Graham baby has made life with 3 boys better than I could have ever imagined. He is the peanut butter to our jelly. He made me regret every moment that I cried when we found out there was something wrong with him. He is perfect in every way. His imperfections make him even more perfect to me. To us. Everyday his crooked little smile makes me thankful that he was given to us.

He WAS meant for us.

Yes, I am eagerly awaiting all these days we have with him. Watching him grow. Watching him become the little boy that he is going to be. But I am also cherishing these moments. The moments of middle of the night snuggling, breast feeding and never putting him down (and I wonder why he is not sitting up yet). He will always be my baby because, I guess, this is it for us. I have all the infant toys littering our living room because I can't bear to put any of it away. I still gladly get up with him 3-4 times a night because he still needs me. I am still squeezing him into size 2 diapers because he is not old enough to be in size 3. Right? Who cares that I am doing twice as much laundry as I could be because he pees through his clothes like 3 times a day.

And food, well he hates it and that's fine with me. Because really, he's not old enough to eat solids, right?
And naps, well, he doesn't like them either. After all, he is number 3 and prefers to nap on the go. The louder the better.
Teeth. Apparently we don't do those either, cause we ain't got none.

Weighing in at 17 pounds 10 ounces he is my chunk-a-monk.
And he's 26.5 inches short.
We love every. single. ounce. of him.

Unfortunately, with all the good comes the bad. Little man got 4 shots, oral rotavirus and a prescription for Amoxicillin. It appears he's got a little ear infection brewing. Now he's sporting a 101.6 degree temperature and a mean whine. But it's cool. I'm loving the extra snuggles.

Here's to a very slow next 6 months.
Momma needs some time to recover from the first 6 going too fast.

We love you Baby G.

Just one of those days

2011-12-10T21:46:00.001-08:00

Today was definitely one of those days...

You know, the ones that are less than perfect.

The ones where your two year old does nothing but whine and cry ALL DAY LONG, demanding any and every toy that his brother has.

The ones that you just give in because you can't take it any longer and, let's face it, it's just easier.

The ones where you feel like sitting down in the middle of the grocery store and crying because your kids have managed to ask for something at every single stop made today, despite the fact that they were treated to a nice visit with reindeer, hot chocolate and a cookie.

The ones that you are pretty sure your kids hate you.

The ones that you are pretty sure you are going to be turned into CPS for being a horribly inpatient and moody mom.

The ones that feel like every single word coming out of your mouth is yelling.

You know... those days. It was one of them.

So ready for it to be over.

Tomorrow is a new day!

Our child of God

2011-12-08T21:58:00.001-08:00

A few weeks back Baby Graham was baptized into the church. We couldn't have asked for more wonderful way to celebrate our little guy. Thank you to all our family and friends that were able to join us for this special day.

Of course, this little guy was pure perfection for his big day.

The Godparents
Tom Bugbee and Colleen Foster

Graham is so blessed to be surrounded by a community that cares so much about him.

Thank-full

2011-11-26T21:56:00.001-08:00

Even if they are not thankful for each other.
I couldn't imagine my life without them!

{five} months old

2011-11-18T21:42:00.001-08:00

Graham,

You are five whole months old.

You have definitely made the jump from infant to baby.

Every day is a new adventure with you. In the past 2 weeks you have learned how to roll over from back to front, you have tasted bananas (of which you are not such a fan), you fell in love with your binky, you are napping better and you have started sleeping through the night. Phew, you are one busy baby!

You are such the happy little baby. I can't get enough of your sweet little giggles, your chubby little thighs and your big toothless grin.

I love you more than words can explain.

You have been officially signed off by the craniofacial orthodontics and will continue to see your craniofacial doctor each year. At our post-op follow up appointment Dr. H was more than pleased with the results. Your nose has healed perfectly and although there is a bit if a bump on your lip it may will take up to 2 years for the scar to fully heal. Personally I am a fan of the scar. It looks tough, and it reminds me of all that you have been through.

Sitting in the waiting room before your appointment we met a little baby just starting the NAM, and 2 babies there for their post-op appointments too. It was fun to see all of you together. The work your doctors do is truly amazing. We are lucky to have them!

Unfortunately, with all the good things comes the bad. You have your first cold. You are a champ though and sleeping your way through it. Mommy is taking full advantage of the extra snuggles.

You are by far my chubbiest babe and I love it. You are weighing in at about 16 pounds of pure cuteness.

Tomorrow will be your first airplane ride. Let's hope for a smooth one! Grandpa Jan is anxious to meet you.

This year I am thankful that we have you!

I love you little man!

H-A-double L-O-W-double E-N

2011-11-13T21:33:00.001-08:00

Thanks to the Hofmeister's we got to experience Halloween Laurelhurst Style. There is a long standing rival between Windermere and Laurelhurst. Which neighborhood could hand out more full size candy bars, how many houses provide beer and wine for the adults, who has the best haunted houses. Well, I am gonna say Laurelhurst has a beat. I have never seen such a production. Maybe next year we will try out Sand Point Counrty Club, I hear they take the cake!
A very belated thank you to the Hofmeister family. Couldn't think of any better way to spend Halloween 2011.

New tricks

2011-11-13T21:22:00.001-08:00

Somebody

found their

and can't get enough.

...and despite mommy's efforts not to let him, he is rolling like a mad man. Mommy just has yet to get it on camera. I know... shocking!

Chew on this...

2011-11-11T22:40:00.001-08:00

So, I have been a very bad blogger. Things are busy. Three boys are busy.
I have a lot of updates and not a lot of time to do them. Until then, check this out. These are our three boys, all between 4-5 months. Can you guess which one is which?

Pumpkin Patch 2011

2011-10-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we were able to make it our for our annual trip to Remlinger Farms. The weather was beautiful, the boys had a blast and Dan and I couldn't ask for a better way to spend our sunday... together!

Happy Halloween!

My mom...

2011-10-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

...she pretty much rocks!

She is the most kind, giving, loving and selfless person I know. She has taught me everything from how to remove baby poop stains to cooking the best corn bread ever. But most importantly she taught me to be the mother I am today. Her love for her family is like nothing I have ever seen before. Each one of us knows that she would do anything for us whether we ask her to or not.

Seven years ago our world was rocked. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I vividly remember getting the phone call while sitting at the dinner table with Dan at our home in Spanaway.

But, never once did my mother back down or feel sorry for herself.

She fought with both fists up... and won.

This week she is 7 years cancer free and finally able to come off her cancer medications.

Mom,
Thank you for being the best mom, nana, friend, babysitter, coffee companion, launder, seamstress, cook, and confidant a girl could ask for. I wouldn't be who I am today without you.
We love you to the moon and back.
Here's to another 7 years cancer free!

Still learning...

2011-10-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

Being a mom to 3 boys comes with a steep learning curve. Six years later I am still learning the ways of my little ones and just when I think I got it, they go and change things on me.

A few of the things I have learned...

Sitting in a poopy diaper is much more fun than actually getting it changed.

Legos, inevitably, will end up in the vacuum.

Boys can be drama queens too.

Star Wars is apparently a right of passage in the boy world.

Any toy, and I mean any, can be turned into a weapon.

And just because they turn barbies into guns doesn't mean they are going to grow up to be violent.

Apparently, wearing underwear to school is optional.

Putting dirty clothes in the hamper is a foreign concept no matter how many time you remind them.

They will find potty talk extremely amusing for many years, much to my chagrin.
They can be very finicky about what they wear.
When all else fails, send them outside.

There is a special bond between brothers.
They love all things bugs, and like to use it against me.
They give the best snuggles.

No matter how big and strong they act, at the end of the day they always need their momma.

He's a playa'

2011-10-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

This little dude, that is.

I headed back to work almost 2 weeks ago now. I have worked a total of 5 shifts. My mother and my bestie have done a tremendous job taking care of my littles. However, it seems that this little guy has them both wrapped around his little finger already. Prior to going back to work we were at least able to get into a better day time routine with at least 2 good naps a day, in his bed. Well, apparently he has different plans when he is with Nana and Margaret. As hard as they try (and they do!), G man is having nothing to do with napping for either of them. He's playing them I tell ya', because he is a champ when it comes to napping for me!

...now if we could just get the night time thing down.

Enjoying...

2011-10-21T22:29:00.000-07:00

We are loving these last sunny days! So sad to see them go.

So apparently I am not the only one

2011-10-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/pages/ClefTees/234579949924954

{4 months}

2011-10-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

Baby G,

You are 4 months old (and one week)!

I can hardly believe it because while in your 4 short months we have been through a lot, it has gone by way too fast!

You are definitely no longer an infant but rather a baby. You carry on quite the conversations with all your babbling and cooing. You are trying your very darndest to roll over only to have mommy push you back every time telling you you are not allowed to grow up. You love to grab anything and everything but then quickly forget it is in your hand and drop it. The exersaucer is new to you, but you would much rather be held. Unlike your brothers, you don't love your binky. And while this is probably a good thing, your daddy and I don't quite know what to do. So we feed you... and eat you do! Since surgery you have really filled out. You are a more efficient breast feeder and, with a little encouragement, have taken to the bottle when mommy works. However, naps are not your forte. You take 1-2 naps in your bed and cat naps on the go for mommy, but you seem to be giving Nana and Margaret a bit harder time. Secretly, I am happy that you are a mommy's boy but I am sure they would appreciate you sleeping. Your daddy and I agree you are our happiest baby. Your giggle warms my heart! If you are not sleeping or eating, you are smiling

Mommy finally finished your room and you have officially moved in. While I miss you being next to me you are slowly learning to sleep through the night, thank goodness. I'm not gonna lie though, this weekend when daddy was away, I brought you to bed with me... and loved every minute of snuggling you.

Thank you for beign a part of our family, little man. I couldn't imagine our lives without you!

Saying goodbye

2011-10-10T22:50:00.000-07:00

I am not quite sure why, but I miss it. The cleft, that is. Don't get me wrong, I love Graham's new smile. It is becoming him. But for 3.5 months my little guy lived with something that made him unique, made him who he was. It was how he was born and how we fell in love with him. It makes me a little sad when I look at him and forget what he looked like before the repair. He is beautiful, was beautiful and will always be beautiful! I guess, like in all things, time will make it easier.
Love you to pieces little man!

Your smile...

2011-10-05T15:30:00.000-07:00

Melts my HEART

Groundhogs day

2011-10-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

Every morning Alexander wakes up and proudly announces to us that it is his first day of school, no matter if it's a school day or not. I think it his way of politely reminding me that I have yet to blog about his starting of preschool. Sorry bud, here ya go...

Alex has started pre-3's at the Children's School. The first day was a bit of a scene, as all 10 kids were crying, clinging to their mom's and pounding at the door as we pry them off of us and huddle in hallway just to make sure they were going to stop crying. Me, being the seasoned mom, jetted. I knew he would be fine and I wasn't going to waste my 2.5 hours of freedom standing at the door. I know, I am a horrible mom. It wasn't even 10 minutes later that I got a text message from Teacher Cinda letting me know that Alex was just fine and had settled in with a fist full of trains.

Every day since then he stays with no problems. He has made some good friends and every day when you ask him he says he played with Elsa. I am pretty sure it's just that her name is the only one he knows because I have never once seen him with her.

Greenlake Adventures

2011-10-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

No other place can mommy get her exercise in while huffing it around Greenlake pushing 2 boys in the suburban of strollers while Alex searches for turtles, ducks and bunnies. And Graham, well he usually takes his morning nap. We all win. And sometimes we even get some sunshine and fabulous photo ops.

Now what?

2011-10-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

As a mother I have spent the last week in awe of my little guy. In awe of the doctors and the amazing work that they do. It hasn't been all easy though. First, I am having to adjust to his new face. As happy as I am, it's still not the baby that I brought home from the hospital. There is a part of me that misses his cleft. It was who he was when he came into our lives and he was perfect. Every day it gets a little easier. With each smile I am reminded of why this was so important. After all, this isn't about me. It's about Graham and providing him with the best life possible.

I keep finding steri-strips stuck around the house. As much as I am happy that I no longer have to tape my baby's face up there is part of me that misses it. I don't know why. It's just how I feel. Maybe it's the fact that he is getting older. He's had his surgery that we have been thinking about and worrying for the past 9 months and now we are done. There has been milestones to achieve over the last 9 months. First his birth, then feeding. The taping began and then the NAM. The weekly appointments. Now we are done. Life as we know it is back to normal and that feels weird.
Second, we are adjusting to a severely out of sorts little guy. It's not who he was before surgery. I am not going to complain because he has every right to be out of sorts, but that doesn't mean that I am enjoying the sleepless nights again. He's waking up every 2-3 hours and won't go back to sleep without nursing. He is refusing the bottle, refusing a binky and I am going back to work next week! It stresses me out a bit. We have reverted to getting naps in the swing and car seat and he is refusing to be put down in his crib. I don't mind dealing with all this but when I have to rely on someone else to do it for 12 hours, it worries me. I am hoping for some major changes in the next 5 days.
Our post op journey has been full of ups and downs. The first few days were a honeymoon. Saturday Graham's sutures were slightly red and he was starting to get more fussy and refusing to eat. I called the plastic surgeon on call and they assured me all was fine. They also prescribed us some tylenol with codeine thinking that maybe constipation from the oxycontin may be playing into his fussiness. The night was rough to say the least. He was awake from 1245 until 530 am and mostly inconsolable. I was exhausted. Sunday came around and we got a call from the on call plastic surgeon. She was checking in and said she had been in touch with Dr. Hopper (who was across the country). He wanted me to send a picture via e-mail just to make sure that things were looking ok. Within a half an hour of sending the picture a prescription for Keflex was called in and an appointment was scheduled for monday morning. Wow is all I can say! Sunday was a replay of the night before. He slept off and on in his swing. Luckily, my mother-in-law was here and took over at 5 am so that I could catch a few hours of sleep.
Monday morning we headed off to clinic where Dr. Hopper was pleased with decrease in redness after starting the antibiotics. We also stopped all narcotics now were just using tylenol and ibuprofen. I was hoping that things would start to improve with the infection and pain under control.
Each day is getting a bit easier, but he is still not back to his pre-operation norm.
Friday was a big day! Graham and I headed back to Children's to get his sutures removed. All of the cosmetic areas were sutured with regular sutures while the ones inside his mouth are all dissolvable. This is surgeon specific and ours believes that non dissolvable ones leave less of a scar. After seeing the results, I will have to agree. Although it was a feat getting them out, it was well worth the struggle. Even at 8 days post-op you can hardly tell that there is anything there. We are now using a silicone gel on the scar for the next 6 weeks. This will help with the scaring and long term results.

I never get sick of looking at these. I am truely in awe!

Thankful for

2011-09-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

A-Mazing!

2011-09-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

Thursday was an amazing day. There is no other word for it. I started my day off at 0430 when Graham woke up with his NAM hanging off his face and wanting to eat. While feeding him I grabbed my phone and found the text from one of my besties. Her water had finally broke and she was headed to the hospital... only 9 days late! That is when I knew it was going to be an amazing day. Graham was going to get his new smile and his best bud, Matthew, was soon to be entering the world!

After feeding him I taped up the NAM for what would be the last time. There was something a bit sad about it. What am I going to do with all my supplies, my nifty little box and my rubber band block? Into the keepsake box they go. Graham went back to sleep and I headed to bed for a few more z's before all the excitement began.

The morning was like any other. We got the boys ready, Tyler headed off to school and we dropped Alex off. Dan and I requested to have Graham baptized before his surgery so Grandma Jill, Dan, my mom and dad and I headed up to church. Denny, our Deacon, preformed the most amazing and meaningful ceremony. Although we knew everything was going to be alright, it put our minds at ease.

We checked into the hospital at 1245 and by this time Graham was getting ready to eat. It was going to be a long day.
The nurses took him back about 1:45p and there we were... all alone and empty-handed. I missed him already. Although I trusted these people with all my heart, I still worried.
Worry we did for the next 2 hours. We paced, we drank coffee, we talked, we updated the blog and we hugged.

Finally the call came. The nurse updated us. Things were going well, so well that they were going to be able to do the GPP procedure. But, that meant another 1-2 hours without my baby. Ugh!
So the waiting continued.
Five-thirty rolled around and what was supposed to be a 1.5-2 hour surgery had turned into a 4 hour surgery. Dan and I had never moved so fast as when we heard that beeper go off.
Dr. Hopper met us and filled us in on the surgery. I heard very little of what he said. I was more interested in seeing my little boy, scooping him up and never letting him go. After getting the update we headed to the desk to get our room number. That's when they asked us if we would like to go see Graham in recovery. A prior co-worker of mine was caring for him in the PACU and bent the rules a bit. I immediately said yes! Dan was a little more hesitant. He chose to wait and meet us at the room. I headed back to the recovery room not knowing the reaction I was going to have when seeing Graham's new smile.
At our pre-op appointment Dr. Hopper warned us that Graham's new smile would take some getting used to. We fell in love with Graham just the way he was and now he was going to be different. I approached his bed and there he was, laying peacefully in his crib. But there was one problem... he didn't look like my baby. He was swollen and so pale. His tell tale lip was gone and in it's place was a perfect little pout. Although, I knew that this was indeed my little boy, he was changed. I didn't cry and I am not quite sure why. I had all the emotions but they were trapped inside. All I could do was stare at him, kiss him and tell him mommy was there. The last nine months of worry, tears, taping, NAM, it was all over and my already perfect little boy was even more perfect. I scooped him up and just stared. He was sleepy, very sleepy. The anesthesiologist was hesitant to let him go to the floor with a respiratory rate of 13, so there we sat.

After about 30 minutes we decided that although he was not waking up (he had gotten a generous does of morphine on the way out of surgery), his sats and breathing were acceptable. I got to carry him. Walking into the room, Dan approached us hesitantly. He took one glance and I have never seen such amazement in his eyes. I have never seen Dan cry, but this is certainly the closest I have ever seen him. I laid our sleeping baby in his crib and we all just stared in amazement.

Graham slept. And slept. And slept. I requested tylenol to be started, knowing that when he did wake up, it was going to be with a vengeance. That's when the nurse walked in with a syringe of tylenol. I wasn't quite sure who he was going to give that to since the little baby sleeping in this bed was most certainly not going to be awake enough to take anything by mouth. I politely requested a rectal dose. Two and a half hours later we finally got the rectal dose and all was good.

The visitors came and went and Graham slept. That morphine was good stuff! Until 1230 am that is... he woke up and he was not happy. We repeated the dose of tylenol, started some pedialyte (with a red rubber catheter?) but he was not such a fan. After about 30 minutes of crying we gave him a dose of morphine. Ahh, comfort at last. A couple hours later we started him on scheduled Tylenol and Oxycontin which seemed to be a good combination for him. Then we slept.
4 am came around and he was awake and wanting nothing to do with the pedialyte. I "told" the nurse I was going to nurse him. After a brief moment of hesitation he latched on and went to town. Not sure it was so much nursing as pacifying, but nonetheless he was content.
The next morning we were up and going with morning rounds at about 7:15 am. Graham was happy, smiling, cooing and watching mickey mouse clubhouse. Graham has amazed me through every step of this journey and today was no different. As long as we kept on top of his pain he was a happy little camper. Plastic surgery was very pleased with his progress and let us go home at about 2 pm. Walking out of the hospital, Dan and I both agreed it felt like we were coming home with a new baby. It was like a replay of the day we brought him home after his birth. The joy and excitement, it was all there.

This journey has been one of discovery for me. I have a whole new appreciation for the families of the patients that I care for and I know my nursing care will be forever changed. I know this surgery, in the eyes of medical professionals, was minor. I have struggled with this the whole time. I care for babies that undergo open heart surgery and transplants... these are HUGE. Our little guy was going through a routine cleft lip repair. Seems simple, but to us this was huge. To us, this was our baby going through months of discomfort and then surgery. To us, this was not a simple, routine lip repair. It was our baby being put under anesthesia, intubated, and enduring a four hour surgical procedure. Anyone else that has gone through this knows that, although it may be routine, it is a BIG deal as parents.
I will forever hold the doctors, hygienists and nurses that care for Graham in our hearts. They are amazing. They gave my baby the most beautiful smile, a smile that he will wear for the rest of his life.

Through this journey we have had the most amazing support. From Nana and Boppa's willingness to help us with childcare, join us for doctor's appointments and wait with us during surgery to Grandma's travels north for the big day we couldn't be more grateful. We couldn't have done it without you guys. To all the family and friends that have been there for us every step of the way and put up with our chaos, made us meals and took me for pedicures, thank you. We couldn't have done it without you either. And lastly to all those that prayed for our little guy. I can safely say all our prayers were answered. Thank you.
From the bottom of our hearts... THANK YOU!

Update...

2011-09-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

This is officially going to be the longest I have ever been away from him.

We got an update and things are going well. They have, however, decided that Graham is great candidate for the GPP. Therefore, it is going to be another 2 hours.

The waiting continues. The hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I can't wait to squeeze that little guy.

September 23, 2011
Sorry for the delay in updates. Graham got out of surgery about 530p last night. He did great, especially after we got his pain under control! I am working on a post complete with pictures. But know, until then, he is doing better than we could have ever imagined.

In the OR

2011-09-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it is 1:52pm and our little man is off.

Please keep him in your prayers.

Pre-op

2011-09-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

Today was our much anticipated pre-op appointment. It was a long day but we made it. I was so glad that Dan was able to make it to this appointment. First off we met with the NP in the PASS clinic (anesthesia). They weighed Graham in at 12 pounds 6 ounces and 23 inches long. Not a whole lot of info there besides telling us we can't feed him 4 hours before surgery. When is surgery you ask... we don't know. Well, we know it is thursday but we don't get a time until wednesday sometime. Ugh!

Next up was the craniofacial plastic surgery clan. Doctor Hopper explained the procedure and we signed the consent. We are hopeful that he will be able to do a procedure called GPP, minimizing the orthodontic surgery Graham may need in the future. There is a 50/50 chance that it would work and he would not need bone grafting at a later age. Graham is also tongue tied so we opted to have his frenulum clipped during the surgery. G put on a great show for the group. He was smiling, cooing and giggling the entire time Dr. Hopper was talking. Dr. Kapadia even stopped in to say hi. As I have said before, we are SO lucky to have such wonderful and caring people taking care of our little guy. Every one reassured us that it is normal to feel hesitant and worried. This little face that we have loved for the past 3 months is going to change and it is ok to be scared of that. Everyone told me when we found out, by the time the surgery date rolls around you won't even want to do it because the cleft will be part of him, part of who he is. I didn't believe them. I was wrong.

Last was the appointment with our nurse and social worker. During this time they did the preliminary admit questionnaire. It was so odd to be the person answering the questions instead of the person asking them. I could have given her all the answers without hearing any of the questions. It was during this time that I reminded myself, I am the mom, not the nurse. At times I have to pull back and let go. I need to be his mom. I need to kiss him, hug him and hold him and leave the rest to the great people we have taking care of us. I need to trust in them.

So now we wait. We wait for thursday... The day we have been looking forward to since that single appointment in January when we found out our little boy would be born with a cleft.

Somehow, right now, I am not so much looking forward to it, but dreading it.

We will see how I feel when it gets here.

What a difference 98 days has made!

LIttle Lucy-Loo

2011-09-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I got the pleasure of playing with my friend's little girl, Lucy. Of course I always jump at the chance to take care of cute little girls. Gotta get my fix somewhere. Lucy is the most photogenic little gal. I have been taking her pictures since the very first days of her life. The second the camera comes out she is all smiles.

Point proven!

Wendy, anytime you need a break Alex and I are always willing to play with Lucy!

We're gonna miss them!

2011-09-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

Graham had his last visit with in the Dental Clinic on thursday. Dr. K was not wanting to change anything with surgery right around the corner. Graham did great and we even snapped a few pictures with our dental clinic posse. I think Dr. K was glad to see us graduating. Graham is getting so big that he is able to kick Dr. K in the face while he is trying to look at his cleft. It's a far cry from the little 3 week old that we brought in that very first time.

Our life for the last 3 months has been full of doctors visits, dental visits, NAM, tape and anxiety. All that is about to end, but there is a part of me that fears I am going to miss it. It has become our normal. The doctors, nurses and dental assistants have become our family. I am going to miss it when it's gone. Don't get me wrong, we will continue to be seen in the craniofacial clinic, but not as much as we have been there in the last 3 months. I am sentimental like that. I miss my prenatal visits too. There is just something about the friendships that you make there during such a exciting/stressful time of your life. Then one day it is just done.

We are so thankful that these people have been brought into our lives. I am sure we will go back and visit them for years to come.

Thank you to the Dr. Kapadia and the Seattle Children's Dental Clinic for all you have done. We can't thank you enough for caring for our Graham like he is your own!

Yesterday sucked!

2011-09-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

I am not going to lie, yesterday sucked. This little dude tested my every last ounce of patience.

It was one of those days that I wanted to be anything but a parent because I obviously wasn't doing a great job at it. One of those days where I would have given my child to anyone on the street that asked for him. Not really, but I would definitely think about it if approached. It was one of those days that I had to put myself in timeout. It was one of those days that I am definitely not proud of.
Today is a new day.
It can only get better... right?!!

{three months}

2011-09-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

Graham baby, you are three months old! I can hardly believe it. You continue to be such a happy baby! You have developed your own schedule and it is your way or the highway. You wake up around 7, nap from 9-11 (when we are home), then again from 1-2ish and once more in the evening for about 1-2 hours. You go to bed at around 9 depending on your evening nap. You tend to wake up once at night, sometimes you eat and other times I can get you back to sleep without eating. We are looking forward to getting your room finished so you can have your own space.

You love your binky, but will only take it with your NAM in. I am interested to see if you take to it after surgery or not. You are all about your hands, so maybe you will be a thumb sucker.
You are getting squishy and I love it. While we were in visiting work I threw you on the scale. Clothed, with a soaking diaper you were 12.5 pounds! I love squeezing your chubby little legs and kissing your chubby little cheeks!

The date of your surgery is nearing and although I am not eager to hand my little baby over in complete trust, I am excited to get this done. I am excited to see your beautiful face without tape all over it. To see your full smile without your cheeks being squished together. 7 days and counting.

I love you, love bug!

NAM week 6

2011-09-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

Graham had his normal thursday clinic visit. As usual, he is doing awesome. His alveolus and nose are responding so well to the molding. Dr. K is just making some very minor changes, but other than that he is ready to go for surgery in 12 DAYS! I feel so fortunate that this process has gone so well for Graham. I have read many a blogs that the babies just didn't tolerate the NAM and it was months of agony for both the parents and the baby. There have been times when I wanted to give up, when I wanted the through the NAM out the window. Luckily, those moments have been few and far between. Overall it has been a tolerable experience and Graham has amazed me every step of the way.

However, as tolerable as it may have been Graham says he is done!
This is how I found him when we got up this morning...

and he was so proud of himself!

I think he is D-O-N-E!

My First Grader

2011-09-10T11:49:00.000-07:00

Well, the first week is over and we are back in the swing of things... kind of.

It's still not easy to get up and going, but we're getting there. And the homework thing, well, we're getting there too.

Tyler is enjoying school and comes home with a huge smile every day. So far he has played with Colin every day on the playground, apparently dumped his "girlfriend" (I'm not sure she even knew they were "dating" or that they broke up) and learned the letter H. That's about as much as I have gotten from him.

Dan and I are still in shock that we are actually the parents of a first grader.

Par-tay!

2011-09-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was enlisted to take photos of a friends ridiculously cute little girl and her ridiculously cute birthday party. How could I pass up the chance to take pictures of pink tu-tu's, ladybugs and the cutest little girl ever. Fellas, stay back, she's taken by none other than Alexander. They affectionately refer to each other as Boyfriend Alex and Girlfriend Erin.

Thanks Shannon and Todd, I had a blast!

12 weeks... for real this time!

2011-09-05T09:44:00.000-07:00

Graham Cracker is really 12 weeks old this week! He is growing so fast it seems. I can really see that he is starting to fill out and get some chub. It doesn't surprise with as much as he has been wanting to eat. These days he is eating just about every 2-3 hours during the day and waking 1-2 times at night with the occasional sleep through the night.
He giggles like a little school girl and I love it! He thinks it is especially funny when I play patty cake with him. He is the happiest little guy despite all he has going on. He amazes me with his resilience.
Graham has gotten himself into quite the little routine, which is great. The only downside is that he is pretty set on it. He loves his naps and will sleep for 2-3 hours, 3 times a day... IF he is swaddled, with his binky and in HIS bed. He will take cat naps in his car seat but it doesn't do the trick for him. He is a fussy guy if he doesn't get his routine. I am a little nervous to see what this fall is going to bring when we are having to tote Tyler around to and from school and 2 soccer teams practices and games.
This week Graham is all about his hands. He has learned to bring them together in front of him and every once in awhile can squeeze them under his NAM and into his mouth. I am wondering if he may be a thumb sucker after his surgery.
The count down is on. Only 17 days until surgery. My fear is slowly being replaced with excitement. I am excited to see his little face, kiss his chubby cheeks. I eager to not have to listen to him cry when I have to pin him down to tape up his face. I am anxious to give his little face a break. Most of all I am ready to not have the stares anymore. I don't want to have to explain anymore why my little baby has tape all over his face. I am excited for him!
At our dental appointment Dr. K continues to be amazed with his progress and how much we have been able to do in such a short time. He credits me and my meticulous taping. I am not so sure that is it, but I'll take it. There is a small part of me that will miss our weekly visits with the dental group. Dr. K, Sam and all the other assistants are like family now. They have helped guide us through one of the toughest things our family has ever faced. I will forever remember them and what they did for our little boy.

What is old?

2011-09-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

The other day I had a conversation with Tyler that went a little like this...

T: Mom, how old do you have to be to go in that restaurant?

Me: 21. I guess I can't go in, I'm not old enough.

T: Moooommm, you're 31, you can go.

Me: Oh yeah, I forgot, I am old.

T: You're not old mom. You're right in the middle. You're perfect.

Me: What do you think is old Ty?

T: Um, maybe like somewhere in the 40's, and you're only 31.

Me: What is young?

T: Like maybe 20's. (pause) Mom, I wish we could stay one age forever.

Me: Yes, that would be pretty cool huh? I think I would want to be 27. What about you?

T: Um, I think 9.

Oh, little man. Just you wait!

I love this bug!

{11 weeks}

2011-08-29T22:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, my bad. I previously posted this picture as 12 weeks. It seems I have completely lost track of time. My little man is a mere 11 weeks old, not 12!

1st grade

2011-08-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

Somebody is a little excited for 1st grade!

I am sure it doesn't help that his best bud, Colin, is in his class!
Watch out Mrs. Conklin... Here they come!

PS. For the record, I am not suite sure how I came to be the mother of a first grader already.

A day...

2011-08-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

That's all it is right? A day. So why do I feel sad?

We got Graham's surgery date and I am having mixed emotions. While I am excited that the taping, the NAM, the fighting to put it in, it's all going to end. But to do that, my little baby has to go into surgery. Being a nurse I know what that means... IV's, sedation, intubation, pain. It scares me. It's just one more thing that my sweet little baby has to endure. It's hard to think that there is anything that NEEDS to be fixed. Graham is beautiful, his cleft is who he is. I actually can't imagine him without it. Will he look like a different baby? Will he still look like Graham? All these questions are floating in my head.

I know this is the right thing, but that definitely does not make it the easy thing.

We met with Dr. H and some plastic surgery fellows on monday. Funny thing is, the fellow that will be working with Dr. H is actually the plastics fellow that I insisted come to the ER to stitch up Alex's lip the month before G was born. Dr. H is very happy with Graham's progress and a little surprised that it went so fast. They rarely are ready to do surgery before 4 months of age on clefts. We may have been able to do it even sooner but the risks of putting a baby under 3 months under anesthesia are far too great for an "elective" surgery. We will have one more adjustment of the NAM with Dr. K prior to surgery to get just a bit more lift to his nare.
Wow, I just can't believe we are already here. It seems like yesterday Dan and I were sitting in the office, just having gotten the diagnosis, waiting to meet with Dr. C. Now, the consent paper have been signed and our sweet little guy is ready for surgery.

September 22nd, 2011
Keep us in your prayers.

Graham {10 weeks}

2011-08-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

This week G is 10 weeks old!
He slept through the night twice, found his hands, started cooing, took a bottle and napped in his bed... all in one week. Phew, what are we going to do next week?

Life with a 6 year old

2011-08-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

"Mom, where was God buried?"

...the questions never end.

NAM week 4

2011-08-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks have been relatively uneventful with Graham's NAM process. We have seen Dr. K twice. He has adjusted the NAM, each week providing a bit more shape to his left nare, and sends us on our way. Graham is tolerating the whole process exceptionally well. He hasn't had any of the dreaded mouth sores, nor has he been irratable or fussy due to the NAM. For this I am grateful. It makes doing all of this to him just a little more tolerable. He has, however, figured out how to get the tape off and the NAM out. I have woken up twice to find him with the NAM hanging off his face, only attached by one side of his taping. He tried to demonstrate his abilities for Dr. K this week at our clinic visit.

While this process is going well and Dr. K is very pleased with our progress, we are still in waiting to hear about surgery. We will meet with the surgeon on monday and hopefully develop a plan. This will help immensely as I am trying to plan my return to work... which I am not crazy about.

While the NAM process has seemingly gone well for us, it hasn't been without it's bumps in the road. We were told at one of our prenatal visits that the entirety of this process would be able to be billed under medical as even though we are being seen by a dentist, it is due to a medical condition. Well, after 2 months we have finally received a statement showing a dental claim. While it is fine for the time being, it's not going to be fine when we hit our very low maximum and then have to start paying out of pocket. So now begins another journey in all of this... fighting the insurance companies. After doing a little research this seems to be a common issue with cleft lip treatment. However, in the end, after much time, energy and bickering, the medical insurance should cover the cost of his "dental" treatments. I don't see why it should take all of this though. I can say from first hand experience that the parents going through this have much more important things to spend our time and energy on.

2 months

2011-08-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

2 month stats:

10 pounds 10 ounces (25th percentile)

22.5 inches long (25th percentile)

Graham Baby,

I am not quite sure where this last 2 months has gone. You are a complete joy and have quickly made your place in our family. We couldn't imagine life without you. Like you brothers were, you are generally a pretty easy going baby, despite all you have to endure. Daily taping, the NAM, weekly doctor's/dentist appointments, reflux, two older brothers, none of it seems to phase you.

You continue to nurse well and tend to eat about every 3-4 hours. Night times are a little more tough because once you eat, usually around 2 am and 6 am, we have to replace your NAM, which always seems to wake you up. Thus far we have you sleeping in your bouncy chair in our room but Dr. C wants us to put an end to that. This is something I would have never done with your brothers. I guess I have softened in my old age. We are starting the transition to the flat co-sleeper so hopefully the move to your room (once it's done) will be a little easier. During the day you are still very much a sleeper. You spend about an hour to hour and a half awake before dozing off to sleep whether it be in the car seat, swing or in my arms. Your fussy times are usually solved with a good swaddle and a binky.

You are all smiles and I LOVE it. As long as you are well fed and well rested you dole them out freely. You have even started to give a little coo in the past few days. We got your play mat out last week and although at first you were not a fan of being put down, I think you are beginning to warm up to it. You get your little legs and arms going like you are going to take off. I could sit and watch you for hours.

You have graduated from newborn diapers to size 1! Mommy is also in the process of putting away your newborn clothes and moving you into your 3 month clothes. You have just about grown out of your "coming home outfit" and it makes me sad. But I do love seeing all the new things you are doing.

You have finally discovered your brothers. You could sit and watch Alex for a whole 5 minutes. He moves so fast you sometimes have a hard time keeping track of him. He loves you though and showers you with loves and kisses, whether you like it or not.

In your short 2 months you have had your fair share of travels. At 4 weeks we headed out to Suncadia for our family vacation. You were a champ and loved the constant attention. This weekend we are spending it relaxing on Camano Island with the Hirst family. You seem to like the changes in scenery.

We love you G baby.

Thank you for being you!

Oh Alexander...

2011-08-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

You test my patience in every way possible...

But you melt my heart daily!

I vividly remember being in tears because I thought Tyler was such a hard 2 year old. Well, I didn't know nothing! Alex takes the cake... and eats it too. He is 2 going on 12 thanks to his brother. He is the most head strong two year old I know. We have tried many different discipline techniques with him and have yet to fine "the one". With Tyler the 1-2-3 method worked without fail. He never once ventured to find out what the 3 meant. With Alex he could care less. He looks at you as if to say "Whatcha gonna do?". He challenges me every day to be a better mother. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but at the end of the day he always give me the biggest hug and "I yuv you mommy." He's the best, even when he is pushing my buttons.

Alex says the darn'dest things...

I'nt know what to do

Mama, I goin to cool tomowow

Not fa-ya (Not fair)

Hold you? (Hold me?)

Gam Cacker or baby Gam

I yike it

I keen up mommy

Dessert now?

Too ba-yd!

I have some M's and M's?

Nease and Nank you (please and thank you)

Ayex do it

I pay da phone?

8 weeks...

2011-08-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

NAM day 15

2011-08-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

Graham is surprising me every day with his strength. He has definitely acclimated to the NAM and seems to not even notice it anymore. Although he does still hate to get it taken in and out. He still refuses to eat with it, so we have given up trying. Dr. K said that it's not big deal. While at his appointment we took a look at the molds that were taken at our very first appointment in the dental clinic. Wow! What a change. Graham's alveolar ridge (aka. gum line) is completely closed where as when we started it was wide open and turned upward. Although you can still appreciate where the cleft is on the ridge, the right and left sides have moved together. Dr. K is continuing to change the NAM plate to get the best possible placement of his alveolar ridge. Because his mouth is responding so well to the taping and NAM Dr. K decided to "activate" the nasal stent. In other words, repositioned the stent so that it is actually causing some pressure and molding rather than just sitting in his nare. Graham hardly noticed it.

I was so worried about adding the nasal stent but he proved me wrong once again. The little guy flashes the biggest grins, even with the NAM in these days. He is such a love bug.

We are planning a meeting with the craniofacial surgeon in the next few weeks so he can see the progress and give us a better idea of when he thinks surgery may be. Yeah!

Although Graham is doing exceptionally well, I do struggle with my own worries and feeling surrounding the NAM. I am naturally an out and about kind of person. I love to be on the go. With Graham I have continued to be that way, to an extent. To me, there is nothing wrong with him. To me he is perfect. It is not until I am out and get the double takes and the odd looks that reminds me that to others that might not be true. It makes me sad. People will see him in my arms, facing away from that and start in with the "oh, he is so tiny and cute". Then they will move in for a closer look and you can see the shock in their face. I know they don't mean to and i try to remind myself that it is natural, but I can't help wonder what is going through their minds. I want them to ask, to acknowledge that there is something there, but they never do. They usually quickly turn and leave. And when they do choose to say something, which isn't very often, it is usually "Oh, they can fix that. At least it's not something bigger." Well, to me it is bigger. This isn't nothing! It is months on end of doctor's appointments, years of surgeries, putting tape all over my beautiful baby's little face, listening to him scream as we force a hard piece of plastic into his mouth numerous times a day, watching him struggle to breathe. Yes, I do realize that there are harder things out there to endure, I mean come on, I am a nurse. But right now this sucks, not for me but for my baby. I hate that he has to go through this and I am pretty sure that to him, this is not NOTHING.

FaMiLy

2011-08-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

We may be big, we may be a little crazy,

but we are family and we love each other (most of the time).

And that's pretty awesome!

Lake Chelan 2011

2011-08-05T00:08:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago we were lucky enough to be guests of Lolo and Jeff at the lake house. It was the most amazing, relaxing 2 days we have had in a long time. There was a lot of beach playing, water balloon fighting, maybe a little wine drinking, some dinner making, fishing, jet ski riding, paddle boarding, otter pop eating, big boy bed sleeping, of course a little whining, and a ton of picture taking, but most of all a lot of having fun. We couldn't have asked for a more wonderful weekend. We can't wait to do it again next year.

One summer night...

2011-08-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

...my most favorite six year old passed the beach club swim test!

I am pretty sure Tyler tried the test no less than a dozen times last year. The life guards got to know him and wouldn't even get out of their chair when he asked to take it, knowing that he would only make it a few feet before turning around. Poor guy, all he wanted was to get beyond that rope. Although he had graduated from Children's swim class with flying colors, swimming the full length of the pool and back, when he got in the lake everything he knew about swimming went out the window.

Well, not anymore!

Way to go Ty, we are so proud of you!

Next up... the high dive!

Not so bad after all!

2011-07-31T23:33:00.000-07:00

As I had feared, last thursday was the day. Heading to our appointment I was nervous, scared, sad, anxious, you name it, I was it. Upon our arrival Dr. K assessed Graham's progress. As we are, he was very impressed. The space on Graham's lip appears to be significantly smaller than when we began, as demonstrated by the pictures I posted last week. Sure, this is good, really good. But, that means is was going to be time to start the nasal molding part of the NAM. This is not so good. For Pete's sake, the poor little guy had just gotten to the point where he tolerated the plate and now we are going to add a wire that sticks into his nose. I was not a fan.

As Dr. K sat designing and building the piece of plastic that would mold my little guys nose into perfection we chatted. He told my mom and I about another blog that chronicled another little girl going through the NAM. In fact, she had her surgery shortly before Graham was born. You can check her out here. Although she started out a little different than Graham, the results are nothing short of amazing. Reading through her blog was like being inside my head when it came to the emotions surrounding caring for a child with cleft lip. It was so refreshing to know that there was someone else out there that knew what I was going through.

Soon enough it was time to fit the plate with the newly added nasal stents. After some adjusting we got a good fit and amazingly enough he didn't seem to mind it too much. Sure, there was some fussing and head shaking, but as he did with the plate alone, he settled in within a few minutes of putting it in. Praise the lord, this might actually be ok. And, it didn't look quite as bad as I had feared.

While we were there I asked more questions regarding the time line of the molding and surgery. As with most things in life, only time will tell. Dr. K said the process would most likely take about 6-8 weeks but we would reassess every week when we saw how Graham was improving. In a few weeks we will have a meeting with our surgeon to talk about timing of the surgery.

That night we had dinner at the beach club with the family. Graham was happy as a clam hanging out on the towel and watching all the big kids. What a trooper!

Our routine

2011-07-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

Graham is supposed to wear the NAM 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. While I try to be good about keeping it on him, I do tend to stall a little bit when the tape comes off... or rather, when he rips the tape off. The process of replacing it is heart wrenching. You see the look of relief on his face when he gets it off, then the screams of agitation when it goes back on. I don't believe it hurts him. He doesn't have any sores and the appliance has not been adjusted and therefore is not moving anything right now. I am convinced all his fussing is simply pure agitation. Although we saw glimmers of him getting used to it, those are long gone. He hates it. There is no way around it. The last 2 night have been rough to say the least. Up until the NAM Graham has used his binky to go to sleep. Since the NAM he has refused anything in his mouth with it in. The biggest bummer is when I take it out to feed him before bed, he eats and falls sound asleep. The problem is, I have to get the NAM back in. It ALWAYS wakes him and ALWAYS sends him into a tizzy. I walk with him and pat him until he falls asleep and then try to gently lower him into his chair. Sometimes it works, most the time it doesn't and we start all over. And then we do it all over again at 3am and 6am when he wakes up to eat. I keep trying to get him to latch with it in but have had no success yet. It would be so much easier to just be able to leave it in all the time.

We have gotten into quite the routine with the taping.

1. First I gather all my supplies needed.

-the NAM, cleaned and dried

-cavilon barrier for his skin

-replicare, which is a tape to protect his fragile cheeks from the steri-strips

-steri-strips for both his lip and to hold the NAM in place.

-rubber bands

-rubber band block to prepare the NAM tape

2. I get Graham nice and calm with his binky and a tight swaddle. I usually do it in front of our big windows as he loves to look outside. The first step is to take a really good look in his mouth to make sure that there are no signs of redness or sores caused by the NAM. This time I did not need to replace the replicare on his cheeks but, if I did, this is when I would place that on. The replicare is a this piece of tape that acts as a barrier to the steri-strips. The steri-strips need to be changed frequently so this way we are not continually ripping them off his skin.

3. Next the steri-strip across his lip is placed. The goal of this is to try and guide the 2 closer together. If you look at his birth pictures you can tell that this simple taping method has produced a huge amount of change. I am sure to most this seems like minimal change, but to me it is huge. You can see that his gum has noticeably shifted down and is now actually touching the gum on the left hand side. His lip has been brought closer together and his left nare actually has some shape to it. Seeing these differences makes this process a tiny bit more tolerable.

Occasionally I can coerce a big old grin out of him.

It makes my heart melt.

4. The last step is the worst. I hate it with a passion, as does he. I prepare the rubber bands on the block by folding one steri-strip around each one. This is going to become the anchor that will hold the NAM in place. The NAM is gently placed in his mouth and secured with the tape and rubber bands... and then the crying begins. Although he still hates it, the amount of time he cries gets a little shorter each day. I am sure that will all change tomorrow when the nasal wire is added. My stomach is already in knots.

A glimpse

2011-07-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

I love when it is tape change time and I get to see a glimpse of this little guys face!

We love you so much Baby G!

NAM day 2 - 6 weeks old

2011-07-23T16:42:00.001-07:00

After a trying first day amazingly enough we had a typical night. Come 6 am though, Graham was having nothing of the NAM being put back in. I was having nothing of getting out of bed at 6. So out it stayed for an hour while we both caught a few more z's.
Finally it was time to get up and get going. I cleaned the appliance, like I do 3 times a day, replaced his tape and took a close look in his mouth before securing it back in place. Sure enough there was a small red area on his upper right gum. As I replaced the NAM I couldn't help but cry. I know this is for the better, I know in the end it will be worth it but right now I feel responsible for hurting my baby. I feel like I should be protecting him from all this pain but instead I am the one doing it to him. Soon enough he chimed in and we were both a blubbering mess. Fantastic. Here we are supposed to be getting ready to head to Lake Chelan as a family and we are both on the floor crying. Luckily I quickly snapped out of it, realizing that I need to be the strong one here. I need to give him all my energy, it can't be wasted on feeling sorry for myself. He, on the other hand was not so easy to settle. I walked, I swayed, I shushed and nothing worked. I so badly wanted to rip that thing right out of his mouth. But I couldn't. I couldn't just give up when the going got tough. This is about him, not me... Remember! I decided I would make a quick phone call to Children's just to let them know what was going on since we were going to be leaving in a bit for the weekend. Sure enough they wanted to see him.
I packed all three boys in the car and off we went. Dr K got us right in and quickly spotted the problem. After a few adjustments and a pep talk from the orthodontics team, we were off. Graham fell fast asleep on the 5 minute drive home, thank goodness. We packed up the car, picked up Dan and headed out to the lake. Hey, I told Dr. K, if we were going to be miserable this weekend we might as well do it in the sunshine!
Graham, and all the boys, were troopers on the way over. We made it with no stops!
Once there we tried a feeding with the new adjusted NAM and Graham was still resistant. We took it out had a good nursing, a clean diaper, replaced it with only a little fight and he was good to go. Amazingly enough he was not fussing. The whole evening was more of the same. Although I wouldn't classify him as "liking it", he is definitely tolerating it. His fussy times are a bit hard because he will not take his beloved binky with it in. But usually a good swaddle and some bouncing will get us through.
At this point the idea is just to get him used to the device. Because his palate is not involved in the cleft the NAM is doing very little right now. Next week we will add the nasal wire. This will help to mold his left nare into a better shape prior to surgery. This part I am dreading!
On another note, G is 6 weeks old today! He had been getting really good at his smiles until the NAM came along. I am anxious to see those again someday! He is a champion nurser and eats every 3-4 hours like clockwork. He is getting stronger every day and loves to hold his head up and look all around. We have finally graduated to size 1 diapers, and yes, momma cried. He still hates to be put down during the day so in order to get anything done I pack him in the moby or Bjorne and go about my business. Every once in awhile I get lucky and he takes at least 1 good nap in his seat. Overall, he continues to be a relatively easy going baby. For that I am thankful, because Alex is enough if a challenge for me right now!

Snoozing on the way to Lake Chelan.

NAM day 1

2011-07-22T20:35:00.001-07:00

Our appointment was at 1:30 and we arrived with a sleepy well fed baby, thinking that would give us the greatest chance of success. My mom went with us for support and my dad was nice enough to keep Alex for this appointment. Once in the clinic we set Graham down in the boppy (love it how they use a boppy in the dentist chair for the infants). He immediately opened his big blue eyes and glanced all around. Soon enough Dr. K fitted the appliance and that was the last of happy Graham. After a few adjustments and teaching me how to tape it, it was in for good... and we heard about it! Graham was not happy and neither was momma. I hate seeing him so upset! I had the inclination to take him and run out the doors but we had another appointment to go, we were stuck! During the appointment Dr. K cut diwn a few of G's binkies to fit with the appliance. This kid LOVES his binkies, surely they would help us get through this. But nope, this kid was not having it and getting madder by the second. On to the next thing. I figured I may as well feed him to see if I could calm him. I was actually eager to try since so many had told me that nursing may be even easier with the NAM. Yeah, well that was a lie! He was having nothing of it and it was seeming literally impossible for him to even be able to latch. I can see how it may be easier to feed by bottle, but with the button in the middle of his face it was literally impossible to get anything in his mouth. I thought maybe in the comfort if our home we will find a position that would work.
Soon enough our craniofacial nurse checked in and quickly let us head home.
At home things were no better. We tried feeding again to no avail. That's when I promptly removed the NAM And fed the poor kid. He was exhausted. He ate until his heart was content and he was out. I slipped the NAM back in with only a few whimpers and rocked him back to sleep. Ahhhh! A couple hours later we did it all again and he was out for the night around 10.
One day down and who knows how many to go. It can only get better from here right?

Graham getting his NAM.

Graham with his perma-frown.

NAM update

2011-07-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

1 month stats

Weight: 8 pounds 10 ounces (25th percentile)

Length: 21 inches (25th percentile)

Head: 37 cm (25th percentile)

Last tuesday was to be the day we started NAM. While I was not am not crazy about the device for the simple fact that it is somthing on my sweet little baby's face, I have resigned myself to the fact that this is absolutley going to give us the best outcome. I mean, come on, this is my little guys face, of course it is worth it!

However, G- man decided to through a little wrench on our plans...

Since Graham was born we have noticed that he was quite a loud breather, but the doctor's reassured us that this was to be expected. Over the past few weeks this has gotten worse, with less of a "noisy breathing" sound and more of an obstructed airway sound. I say "obstructed" because it appears very difficult for him to move air during these times through his nose, yet he is able to catch a few gasps through his mouth until I can get up and calm him. The puzzling thing is that he does not do it all the time. He has perfectly good hours of sleep with little to no noise interrupted by these intermittent struggles. There seems to be no rhyme or reason. We have him sleeping upright with the thought that maybe it is reflux but it seems to do no real benefit as when he is in bed with us he is no worse.

When we went in to our clinic visit I expressed my concern to the dentist. Needless to say, he was not comfortable starting the NAM with these unidentified breathing issues. And, unfortunately the whole craniofacial team was out for the week. Fortunately, we got an appointment set up for friday with a new (to us) doctor and headed over to our previously scheduled 1 month pediatrician visit.

Dr. C was concerned and agreed with not starting the process. She gave us the option of being admitted to the hospital and "observed" on monitors. We all know that this comes with it's risks too and I was not so much a fan. We toyed with the idea of starting a PPI (proton pump inhibitor, aka. anti-reflux medication), but we NICU nurses know that there is a lot of controversy over weather or not they really work in infants. In the end we agreed that we would watch him a little longer to see if maybe it is a passing thing and see what craniofacial had to say on friday. One thing Dr. C was not so concerned about was his 27 ounce weight gain in only 22 days! And she wanted me to start supplementing with bottles! Pa-sha!

The next 2 nights were relatively uneventful and we met with Kelly on friday. After a lengthy discussion and a overwhelmingly normal exam we decided to start Graham on some Zantac to see if there was any improvement. She felt comfortable with following through and starting the NAM with the knowledge that it can always be taken out should Graham get worse. She also wanted us to continue the nystatin we were on for thrush to make sure that there was no evidence of it when we introduced the device.

So... while I don't feel there is any huge improvement with the Zantac (if anything he has been much more spitty) he has only had 1 self resolved period of difficult breathing. Tomorrow we will visit the dentist, Dr. K and I assume he is going to be ready to start. Graham's cleft has made a huge improvement with the taping and I am nervous, yet excited to see the progress with the NAM.

Last night as I lay Graham down to administer his medications I thought to myself, never in a million years did I ever picture this. This is what I do at work. My little boy is not supposed to need all this stuff. I am not supposed to be spending my maternity leave in doctor's offices and hospitals, worrying about wether my little man is going to stop breathing, putting cavilon, replicare and steri-strips on his face daily, and administering his medications.

But now this isn't my work, this is my life. This is my perfect littlest guy and I wouldn't have it any other way. I would do anything for him and I can't agree any more with Dan when he says "he was meant for us".

Before and After

2011-07-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

Our basement remodel started at the end of March with the hopes of having it complete for the June 10th arrival of the G baby. Well, we came close! All construction was done by the deadline and carpet was laid June 16th. Not too shabby!

Here are the amazing results...

Bathroom

Guestroom

Tyler's Room

Family room

We couldn't be happier with the results! The basement went from a place I only went to do laundry to one of our main living areas. And the boys love their new "toy room". Tyler was a little hesitant to move to his downstairs room at first but has managed to grow quite fond of it.

As with most projects, we went way over budget so the decor and furnishing will have to wait! Stay tuned for more pictures when we get all the fun stuff in!

Suncadia... minus the sun!

2011-07-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

This year our family trip was to Suncadia. We filled two houses with a total of 25 people and despite the lack of sun, had a memorable time. Thanks mom and dad for another successful Cross Family summer vacation... 25 people and no fights, now that's an accomplishment!

All 13 cousins...

(the morales boys were missing from the picture)

spent 5 days swimming,

Fishing,

Walking with only a diaper and t-shirt ( yes, that is my WT little boy!)

Singing,

Snuggling this little dude,

Picking all the "M's and M's" out of the trail mix,

Watching Elmo on the computer,

And playing at the park.

We got to meet up with these cool cats too! Alex and Erin may have been found together in the treehouse... we are going to have to watch these two in the years to come!

It was so relaxing, I most definitely was not ready to leave! I am pretty sure the boys weren't either.

4 blissful weeks

2011-07-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

Graham Henry you are four weeks old.

Wow, what a 4 weeks this has been! You have been such a blessing and we couldn't imagine life without you.

There are so many things that I want to remember about these first 28 days with you in our lives...

The way you always have your hands next to your face, as you always did in my tummy.

The way you grab my finger behind your ear whenever you are nursing.

Your 2 cowlicks that I am sure are going to cause you a lot of grief in the years to come, but right now I love them.

Your strawberry blond hair. I hope it stays!

The way you always scoot closer to me in bed and I always wake to find you snuggled in close.

The way you grunt and snort while eating.

The way you can occasionally find your thumb.

Your big blue eyes that catch any contrasting colors and study them for so long.

The way you pull your legs up and stick your bottom out whenever I pick you up.

The way you won't let me put you down.

The way you always poop just minutes after I change you.

Your tiny little ears.

The way you scrunch up your forehead.

The way you hate to get your diaper changed.

The way you look just like your older brothers.

Much to my surprise we have been blessed with yet another wonderful baby. Your night time schedule consists of only waking once at 2-3 am and then again around 6-7 am. Most nights you spend the first few hours in your co sleeper and then get to snuggle in with us after the first feeding. In the last week you are much more alert and will spend about an hour awake after your feedings. You love to be held and are not much for anything that demands you being put down. Hence the swing and bouncy seat have gotten very little use.

The most exciting thing is that you flashed your first grins on your 4 week birthday! Mommy immediately took off your tape so we could catch the full smile. We can't wait to see more of these!

Graham, there are no words to express our love for you. Your brothers are so proud to have you in their lives! Mommy is thoroughly enjoying each and every second of you and daddy is constantly planning all the fun outings he is going to have with his 3 boys.

We love you Baby G!

Happy 4th!

2011-07-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

There's a whole lot of love in this house!

2011-07-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

Dental Clinic

2011-07-01T17:00:00.001-07:00

Doesn't every 3 week old visit the dentist?

Graham had his second appointment with the Seattle Children's dental clinic today. Last week we got started taping him (see photo below). The tape is supposed to help pull the bottom of his left nare closer together in preparation for using the NAM (nasal alveolar molding). He has to wear the tape at all times, but can be removed for feeding if necessary. He also got impressions taken of his lip and palate so that his doctor could make his NAM. Although the appliance was ready, his doctor decided to continue the taping for another week before we think about starting the molding process. I was happy about this because the NAM is much more invasive than taping. Although I know this is what best, I was not crazy to hear last week that we were going to go down the NAM pathway.

A little about the NAM...

NAM stands for nasal alveolar molding. This device has been found to make lip and palate repair much more successful. You can read up on the device here. In Graham's case, being that he does not have a cleft palate, it will be used more for molding his left nare into shape than any molding of his palate. Graham is a little different in that he has a fairly large cleft lip, yet the palate, with the exception of his alveolus (gum line), is completely intact. While the NAM would be much more successful if his palate was cleft, allowing more room for molding, we are hopeful that using it will provide us with a better lip repair.

As you can see, this device is much more noticeable than a piece of tape across his face. I am worried about the looks and comments that are bound to come over the coming months while using this device. I love his little face just the way it is, I hate having to put all this stuff on it. Granted, I know it is what is best for him in the long run.

On another note...

Last week we had our 2 week appointment. He weighed in at 6 pounds 15 ounces and measured 20 inches long. Yes, somehow he shrunk in length from his birth. Dr. C was not crazy about his weight as he was not back to birth weight. She threatened us with bottles!

Well, after a week of vigilant feedings I am happy to report that little man is up to 7 lbs 5.5 ounces. In the past few days he is much more awake and alert making feedings much more successful. That and getting thrush cleared up, thank goodness!

Grandma's are great!

2011-07-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

Today

2011-06-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I am not good at it is definitely living in the moment. I worry to much about all the things that have passed and what will come in the future that I don't get the chance to live for today. Well, today I am making a vow to change that. No, you can't be pregnant forever and yes, babies grow up, they get older, that's a fact. This will never change so why I spend my time worrying about it is beyond me. Time is precious and I am done wasting it on the what was's and what might be's. I know it won't be easy and there are going to be days that I miss my baby bump and each one of my sweet little babies, but today is wonderful too. I will live to cherish the moments that are here right now because tomorrow those will be gone too.

Today, I will live for today!

(I found this sweet poem on another blog and for me there are no truer words)

oh cleaning and scrubbing

will wait till tomorrow

but children grow up

as i've learned to my sorrow.

so quiet down cobwebs

dust go to sleep.

i'm rocking my baby

and babies don't keep.

-Ruth Hamilton

2011-06-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

You can take a nurse out of the NICU, but you can't take the NICU out of a nurse.

2011-06-20T08:41:00.000-07:00

Graham-a Baby

2011-06-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

Since arriving home little Graham has already received his share of nick-names, mostly from Alexander.

Here are a few of them:

Graham-a Baby

Baby Gam

Graham Cracker

Cracker

Grammer Gram

Gammers

No matter what the name, he is the sweetest little baby ever!

(you asked for pictures, so here they are!)

I know I shouldn't say it, but I gonna. I lucked out for the third time and got a very easy going baby... thus far. When we were at the hospital and he took to nursing like a champ, I knew it! He wasn't going to make this too difficult on his momma.

On wednesday we had not one but two doctors appointments. The first was with his pediatrician. I am happy to report that Graham has finally gained a little weight, weighing in a hefty 6 pounds 13 ounces. The doctor gave him a clean bill and from there we rushed over to meet with our Craniofacial team at Children's. And, although the cleft is larger than we had expected it is also better than expected. The cleft does not go into his palate (this we knew once he was born) like we had once suspected. This mean fewer surgeries for him, yeah! We will meet with the surgeon on monday to make a "plan" for repair but we are aiming for between 4-6 months.

The rest of the week was spent relaxing with Daddy home and celebrating Tyler's kindergarten graduation. I can't believe that I am the mother of a 1st grader already! Graham and I have had lots of snuggle time, headed out on a few outings with Nana, but most of all soaking in each and every day with this little man in our lives.

Things I've learned...

2011-06-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

I LOVE being pregnant and giving birth.

Pregnancy doesn't last forever and that makes me sad.

I miss feeling him move and wiggle inside.

I make A LOT of milk and am not quite sure what I am going to do with it all.

I leak.

Postpartum sucks!

I find it very hard to put my new little one down with out tearing up and my heart skipping a beat, literally.

I love seeing all my boys together... it makes me happy.

I find it hard to enjoy today without worrying about all this going by too fast... and I hate that.

I could stare at Graham for hours.

My baby is beautiful.

I am thankful for my husband and all my friends who are helping me hold things

together through this.

I hope this ends soon because I want to get back to loving this time and my life.

He's perfect to me

2011-06-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

Please forgive me for my lack of blogging.

I have been busy soaking in every second of this little guy...

I promise I will be back soon!

Graham. Henry. Bugbee.

2011-06-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

We are in LOVE!

Graham Henry arrived at 08:43 on friday June 10th.

He weighed in at 7 pounds 4 ounces

20.5 inches long

He is perfect in every way!

After an uneventful c- section delivery he has spent the last day eating like a champ, sleeping a lot and visiting with all our family and friends.

Tomorrow we will be 5

2011-06-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

As I sit here the night before our third baby boy is born I find it a bit ironic. Dan and I talked about how we vividly remember me being in tears every night for a good month before Tyler was born. I was so anxious to have the baby out and I let him know it each and every day he called from Iraq. With Alex I was a little more even keel, but definitely excited to have him enter the world. This time around, knowing it is my last (so Dan says), I am not ready. I am not ready to give up this secret that I have. I am not ready to welcome this little one, I want to keep him to myself. I want to feel him move and kick throughout the day. I want to rub my belly and know that he is safe inside. I'll say it, I LOVE being pregnant.

But tomorrow, I am going to LOVE being the momma of not two but three boys and all will be okay.

Can't wait to meet you little man, we will see you soon!

Love

2011-06-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

Alex has long been flirting with Ms. Erin at each of Tyler's T-Ball games. They each made it a point to bring snacks for each other to share while watching their older bro's play some ball. Erin has been known to feed Alex pirate booty, while Alex is always a gentleman opening her fruit snacks and helping her put her coat on. Well, finally they took the leap and arranged a picnic dinner while at the end of season party. I don't know, but I think it might be a match made in heaven.

What do we do when the sun shines in Seattle?

2011-06-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

We have play dates with Lolo and Jeff,

eat cupcakes,

play soccer in the yard,

go for walks to the beach,

search for shells,

take our shoes off and feel the warm sand on our toes,

get loves from Aunty Nene

and we end with popsicles on the front porch.

Ahh, summer is finally coming and we LOVE it!