2014...

I have sat down to write this post about a dozen times.  Not sure why, but the creative juices just aren't flowing for me.  I have always been so inspired when it came to my photography and my blog.  It has been a source of enjoyment and self reflection.  However, as of late, it serves as one more thing on my never ending list of things to do.  I want to sit down and write about how our life is rainbows and roses, but the truth is, it's not.  There are days I never get out of my pajama pants.  There are days that I feel all I do is yell at my kids.  There are days where it seems nothing I do, and I mean NOTHING, is good enough.  Meals don't always get made, laundry doesn't always get finished and yes, sometimes the toilets go way too long without a scrubbing.  

This is life… this is my life.  

All I want out of my life is no regret.  I don't want to look back and wish that I played Legos with my boys more, held Evie a little longer and spent a little more time just being with my family.  The question is, how do I get there?  There is always "one more thing I have to do" before I can help Alex with his new set.  There is always "one more minute" before I can play a game with Tyler.  And bedtime with Graham and Evie is always so rushed, because lets face it, by the end of the day I am exhausted.  I try to be conscious of my action.  I try to be the parent that I believe my children deserve, but life and the to-dos always find a way to creep back in.  

So with this being said, what I hope for for 2014 is

BALANCE.  

I hope to cherish each and every moment.  I will strive to live for today and not fear tomorrow.  

I hope to spend more time with my kids and make my marriage a priority. 

Most of all I will have no regrets.
This is my one chance… there are no do overs in life.

What are you goals for 2014? 

Rolling Rolling Rolling

Someone thinks she is pretty cool... even with her thumb in her mouth.

Life as I know it

I want so badly to be able to do it all.  Each day that goes by that I am not able to sit down and do the things that have been on the list of my "would like to do's" kills me.  If there is one thing that I have learned about being the mom to 4 kids it is, it's no longer about me... at all!  The second I sit down to do the things that I enjoy doing there is someone there whining that they want apple juice or a snack.  It's just not enjoyable.    Hence the severe lack of blog posts.  Every day I say, today will be the day, I WILL get some pictures edited and a posts written.  Then each night I go to bed saying, ok, well maybe tomorrow.   Well, with Dan being gone for a few days I decided to seize the moment, stay up late and knock out a few posts.  Here goes nothing.

Last month I was lucky enough to be visited by my bestie, Jenny, and her daughter Emma.  As always, we had a blast and made use of every second we were able to spend together.  I even got to take advantage of Jenny's budding photography skills and grab a quick photo shoot with my girl.  

I am so thankful to have these gems of me on the other side of the camera!

The summer went out with a bang and we are finally settling into the school year.  We are making the rounds this year with the boys at three different schools.  While the mornings are quite busy, I am savoring my quiet moments with Evie.  Even if it is just 2 hours a week.



Tyler is highly impressed with my photo op, you can tell.



Tyler started third grade at ASB with Mrs. Eusebio as his teacher.



Alex was so excited to be going to his new school, OLL, and getting big brother Tyler's old teacher, Mrs. Clayton.



Graham is a big boy now... so he thinks.  He has followed in the footsteps of his brothers and started at The Children's School.  Ms. Tiereny and Teacher Lisa Eve are his teachers this year.  He loves that he finally gets to go to school.  



And we can't forget Ms. Evie.  We decided she needed a photo shoot on our first day sans boys.  When not taking pictures we can regularly be found at Greenlake and Starbucks.

And there you have it my friends... August and the beginning of September in a nutshell.
Next up... Evie's 5 month post.

California 2013

It is definitely no secret that life is crazy here.  There are just not enough hours in the day to do everything that I need to do.  That leaves pretty much no room for the things that I want to do, like blogging.  Something has to give and keeping the blog up to date has been the first to go.  

Our annual summer trip to California did happen.  And it was a blast.  Since this was our vacation this year we made sure to have plenty of things for the kids.  We made it to Sonoma Train Town, Great America, the driving range, Bodega Bay as well as collecting eggs, riding and feeding horses and hanging out on the ranch.  Graham was in heaven this year.  He never wanted to come inside.  I am sure that all the animals were ready for us to leave at the end of the week.

Tyler and Alex were lucky enough to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for a week all by them selves.  Although a little homesick at the beginning they ended the trip on a great note and had a lot of fun.  Alex and Maddie were like two peas in a pod.  

Anxious

I've got a lot of feelings floating around these days, but the most of which is anxious.  I am heading back to work next week and I am not quite sure what to make of it.  I love my job.  Like really LOVE my job.  But, I am not quite sure I am ready to accept the fact that the blissful days of maternity leave are quickly coming to an end.  Evelyn can't really be 4 1/2 months old.  She can't possibly be ready to spend an entire day with anybody but her momma.  My house can't possibly run itself without me there... can it?

Not only am I not ready but I am feeling like I didn't make full use of my time.  I didn't hold her enough.  She spent too much time in her swing.  I didn't give my boys the attention that they deserved.  Oh the list can go on, and on, and on.  There is just so much that I wish I could have done, or done better.  Four kids is a lot... I am not going to lie.  There are things that I have had to let go.  My house is not as clean as I would like it.  My kids dress themselves (and look like it).  I don't always get a shower.  But I can let those all go.  What I can't let go is feeling like I haven't done enough for them.  It kills me. I want more than anything to hold Evelyn all day long.  I want to read endless amounts of books to Graham and play baseball until I can't physically do it anymore with Tyler and Alex.  But I can't.  I can't do it all.  And it kills me.
Why do we put this on ourselves as moms?  Why is good enough never really good enough?   Why can't we be happy with all that we DO do?  

Feeling the mommy guilt real good right about now.

{four} months

Count them, one, two, three, four... four whole months.  

Not quite sure where the time has gone or what the heck I did with these last four months but it's true... my little girl is four months old.  I can't really consider her an infant any more.  She's a baby.  A happy, healthy, smiling, laughing, chubby, little baby.  I think what saddens me most about the big four is the what's right around the corner for me... work.  

Evie, my darling, you are truly an angel these days.  We are over the colic, the sleepless nights and the incessant crying.  We are on to big girl stuff now.  Like sleeping through the night, sucking your thumb and taking bottles.  You are a very content little gal (for the most part) and will calm yourself at the first thought of unhappiness with your new best friend, your left thumb.  Momma's in love!

You smile at the drop of the hat, even when you have your thumb in your mouth.  Today we even heard the beginnings of your first giggles.  You thought it was quite hilarious when mommy blew zerbers on your belly.  I can get over the huge change in you in just the last few weeks.  In the darkness of colic I was quite sure I was never going to see the light.  But it is here and shining brighter than ever.



Um, seriously.  I could nibble on those little toes forever.
Today you weighed in at 11.5 pounds and measured 23 inches long.  10th percentile across the board.  Pretty darn good for a premie I would say.  You are still wearing mostly 3 month clothes and size 1 diapers.  I just shipped off all of your newborn clothes to cousin Ann.  It was a sad day for this momma, but I am so glad they are going to good use.
Sleep is your sport.  You normally wake about 7am to eat and get changed.  Most days you will quickly fall back asleep until about 9 or 9:30 or sometimes longer.  Your days are still a toss up.  Some days it seems like you sleep all day long, others are cat nap days.  We have yet to get you into a real daytime nap schedule, but I know it will come.  For now naps are when you can get them in the car or in the swing.  You tend to be relatively regimented about your bedtime.  7:30 is bath and feeding time and then into the crib you go.  Ever since the thumb we have quit swaddling you and you put yourself to sleep easily.  You will still wake on occasion at about 5 am.  Thats when I bring you to bed with us, nurse you and get my snuggles in.
Nursing is going great.  You are not a huge eater but you do good enough.  You tend to nurse about ever 3-4 hours during the day, sometimes more, sometimes less.  We have FINALLY gotten you to take a bottle.  It seems that you have resigned yourself to this sort of feeding, but much prefer the breast.  Momma is thankful for one less worry when I go back to work.
We took our first car trip to California.  You did great.  Details will be coming in a post soon to come.



Miss Evelyn,
You are the light of my world, little one.  I thank God every day for bringing you to our lives, because  I can't imagine a life without you in it.  You have completed our family in the most wonderful of ways.
I love you little princess, more than you may ever know.

   

Me and my kids

It's not very often that I get to be in pictures since I am usually the one behind that camera.  Lucky me, I know someone that love photography as much as I do!  We were able to get the kids to cooperate for a short time and got some great shots.  So happy to have these treasures of my and my littles.  

This little one...

...is giving me a run for my money.  

Graham Henry is at that age.  You know,  that age where you can go from looking at him with googly eyes because he is so freaking cute to wanting to run fast as I can the other way because he is driving you crazy.  His vocabulary has blossomed.  I like to refer to him as my little parrot.  He repeats EVERYTHING.
He's my little side kick... Whether I like it or not.  Hence the lack of posts and edited photos.  It's like a switch goes off in him every times sit down to work at my computer.  The second I sit is the exact second he needs milk, lunch, a cookie, you name it.  But, I remind myself everyday, it's worth it.  So the blog may not get updated, but I will never get these moments back.
Not only has he grown by leaps and bounds socially but also physically.  He really is no longer a baby. He is using the potty on a somewhat frequent basis, which is really exciting.  The thought of having only one kid in diapers for me sounds like heaven.  We have also transitioned him to his big boy bed.  Much to my surprise he has done great.  The crib remain in his room as a threat if he gets out of bed.  So far so good.
Although he shows some signs of missing his brothers while they are in California, I think he is truly enjoying his (almost) solo mommy time.

I love you little man... even if you are trouble.

Happy Fourth

Fourth of July spent with great friends is all we could have asked for.  And that's just what we got.

Love my little firecracker.

Yep, this is the best I could get.

Love me some El!



















The celebration continued on late into the night with good times had by all.
Thank you Colleran's for hosting an amazing evening, even if I got in trouble when I got home ;)

(somehow I missed photographing the hosts!)