January 21st, 2011 Dan and I walked into Seattle Ultrasound anxious yet excited to find out what this little bean was going to be. Never did it cross my mind that baby #3 might have something wrong. Baby #3, afterall, was going to be my girl.
We got all set up, the warm gel hit my stomach and I shook with anxiety. The ultrasound tech asked if we would like to know the sex of the baby. We eagerly said yes. As she moved the probe over my stomach it didn't take me but a glance to see that this was definitely not my girl. The tears welled in my eyes as I pictured our life with no daughter, but 3 sons. Ever since I was a little girl I had dreamed of having a family. Never once did it ever cross my mind that there wouldn't be a daughter in it. But now I was facing that reality. It's not that 3 boys is bad, it's just not what I had always imagined. Dan and I had mentally checked out as the ultrasound tech tried desperately to regain our attention by describing each part of our precious little boy. She started with his head and worked her way down to his toes. However, she kept returning to his face saying that his hands kept getting in the way and she would like to get a better picture. In deed, our little man held his tight little fists directly in front of his mouth. I thought nothing of it, but in the back of my mind wondered why she was being so meticulous about the face.
After a very long scan she left the room, saying that she was going to have the doctor come in and talk to us. The thought crossed my mind that there might be something wrong, but it was still overshadowed with the fact that he was a he.
I will never forget that doctor or that moment when she entered the room without so much as an introduction. She picked up the probe took a quick scan and stood with the look of doom on her face. She quietly said "Your baby looks great, except for one thing. It appears that he has something called a cleft lip." She went on to say that she was not sure if the palate was cleft but we would need to see "someone". That's when she walked out of the room with not so much as a, I'm sorry, a caring touch, or even a glance. The tech piped in and gave us more information about what we would need to do next. However, I am not quite sure what she said. I was still stuck in the "there is something wrong with your baby". How could I have been so upset that this wasn't a girl? I was a horrible mother. What did I do to have hurt my baby? Did I cause this?
I remember walking out of that office only to meet all of the other mothers in the waiting room. My face red and swollen with tears. I am sure it was a reminder to them that, everything may not be perfect. We got in the car with little words and just held each other. Dan kept repeating to me that this baby was meant for us. Who better to take care of him? We drove directly to my parents where Alex was waiting for us. When I arrived with tears in my eyes my mother immediately began to cry. She held me and told me everything was going to be ok. I am not sure that I believed her.
The coming weeks were full of doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, genetics appointment, and tears. Each day I woke up only to remember that there was something wrong with my baby. The tears were a constant for weeks to come.
What is perfect?
Prenatal updates
Graham Henry is here!
We got all set up, the warm gel hit my stomach and I shook with anxiety. The ultrasound tech asked if we would like to know the sex of the baby. We eagerly said yes. As she moved the probe over my stomach it didn't take me but a glance to see that this was definitely not my girl. The tears welled in my eyes as I pictured our life with no daughter, but 3 sons. Ever since I was a little girl I had dreamed of having a family. Never once did it ever cross my mind that there wouldn't be a daughter in it. But now I was facing that reality. It's not that 3 boys is bad, it's just not what I had always imagined. Dan and I had mentally checked out as the ultrasound tech tried desperately to regain our attention by describing each part of our precious little boy. She started with his head and worked her way down to his toes. However, she kept returning to his face saying that his hands kept getting in the way and she would like to get a better picture. In deed, our little man held his tight little fists directly in front of his mouth. I thought nothing of it, but in the back of my mind wondered why she was being so meticulous about the face.
After a very long scan she left the room, saying that she was going to have the doctor come in and talk to us. The thought crossed my mind that there might be something wrong, but it was still overshadowed with the fact that he was a he.
I will never forget that doctor or that moment when she entered the room without so much as an introduction. She picked up the probe took a quick scan and stood with the look of doom on her face. She quietly said "Your baby looks great, except for one thing. It appears that he has something called a cleft lip." She went on to say that she was not sure if the palate was cleft but we would need to see "someone". That's when she walked out of the room with not so much as a, I'm sorry, a caring touch, or even a glance. The tech piped in and gave us more information about what we would need to do next. However, I am not quite sure what she said. I was still stuck in the "there is something wrong with your baby". How could I have been so upset that this wasn't a girl? I was a horrible mother. What did I do to have hurt my baby? Did I cause this?
I remember walking out of that office only to meet all of the other mothers in the waiting room. My face red and swollen with tears. I am sure it was a reminder to them that, everything may not be perfect. We got in the car with little words and just held each other. Dan kept repeating to me that this baby was meant for us. Who better to take care of him? We drove directly to my parents where Alex was waiting for us. When I arrived with tears in my eyes my mother immediately began to cry. She held me and told me everything was going to be ok. I am not sure that I believed her.
The coming weeks were full of doctor's appointments, ultrasounds, genetics appointment, and tears. Each day I woke up only to remember that there was something wrong with my baby. The tears were a constant for weeks to come.
What is perfect?
Prenatal updates
Graham Henry is here!
