Still learning

After being a mom for 10 years you would think I had this thing down.  But just when you think you have gotten in a grove,  those kids, they go and change things up on you.  
One thing I know about my parenting is that I have high expectations.  High expectations of myself, and of my kids.  I have come to find out that these expectations get in the way... a lot.  Choosing my battles is one thing I have not mastered.  To me every battle seems to be the most important.  After all, I am trying to raise responsible, caring, and hard working kids.  Dan and I never have and never will serve things on a silver platter.  However,  I have started to ask myself more frequently, where is the happy medium?  Where is that spot that we can meet in the middle and everyone can be happy?  My frustrations have far outweighed my happiness these days and I feel guilty.  Guilty that I am taking away a carefree childhood from my kids.  Guilty that I am noticing all the bad things and none of the good.  But most of all guilty that I am not simply being with my kids.  
So today, I write this down to hold myself accountable.  This year, instead of giving up some meaningless thing for lent, I am going to gain something.  I am going to gain happiness.  I am going to gain time with my kids.  Most importantly, I hope to gain a better relationship with the ones I love the most.

Sometimes life just ain't pretty, and that's ok.


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