So why is it that they don't send you home from the hospital with a book of directions? In my case, not for the baby, but for me. Although this last week and a half has been blissful with my beautiful newborn, I on the other hand, haven't experienced such bliss. No one tells you how different it is to be the mother of 2. How different it is to come home with this precious little newborn when a 4 year old is there waiting for you. How different it is when it is not all about you anymore. How different it is to be 4 instead of 3. Don't get me wrong... it is wonderful, but it is also different. I was not mentally prepared for the change. The thoughts of how I am going to completely love both of these children run rampant in my mind. Is it possible?
Not only was I not ready for the difference but I was also not ready to be done with pregnancy. Although I was anxious to meet this new little guy, I was not ready to give up the belly, the feeling of him kicking inside of me, the secret that only he and I had. I have found myself mourning the loss of that. Putting away my maternity clothes was such an emotional time for me. I know, I am weird, but I am one person that truly enjoys every aspect of pregnancy and child birth. I don't, however, enjoy the ending of it all. Coming home from the hospital and every day since I wake up sad that my little one is already one day older. I so enjoy this stage and this experience that I have a hard time letting it pass and looking forward to what is to come. No, instead I dwell on it's passing and waste my today worrying about tomorrow. I know this is all complicated by the fact that my husband will be leaving us in 1 short day. It can't really have been 2 weeks already? But as I have said before... we will make it through, we always do. It has been an emotional and very busy 2 weeks. Although these next 2 days will not be easy I am looking forward to some normalcy and routine that will come. And the countdown to daddy coming home for good will begin!
1 comment:
Hi Jen! Congratulations on your darling little boy! What a cutie! And I can't believe your first is already 4...where does the time go?! It's great to hear from you and I would love to get together. I'm not working right now, so our schedule is pretty open. My email address is: rachelcblake@gmail.com. Congrats again!
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