I have begun to question the true meaning of perfect. I mean really, what or who in the world is truly perfect? And how is one person to say that any one thing is more perfect than another? To me, my children are perfect. No, they are not the most well behaved, the most polite or the smartest, but to me they are just the way that God wanted them to be… perfect.
Last week we got some news that rocked our world. Our perfect little world, for a moment, seemed all but perfect. We went into our 18 week ultrasound more worried about the gender of this tiny human being more than anything else. Well, no, the gender was not what we had expected but by the end of the ultrasound none of that mattered. After a very long and meticulous scan, the doctor came back and informed us (with not such great bedside manner might I add) that our little guy was perfect in ever way but one. He had a defect called cleft lip and possibly cleft palate. She promptly walked out the door with not so much as a caring touch on the shoulder or word of condolence. I am pretty sure that at this point the tech started to inform us of what would happen next but I sure as heck heard nothing more than “your baby is NOT perfect”.
The days following have been full of appointments, scans and tears, lots of tears. Each day is a new beginning. Each day is a little easier than the last. Each day I am getting more comfortable with the idea that my sweet little boy will be born with a defect that does not define him and does NOT make him any less perfect than any other baby.
Thursday had in store for us a meeting with the genetic counselor. After reviewing the ultrasound data and our history there is a very low risk that the cleft is related to a more serious chromosomal abnormality. We declined to have the amniocentesis done simply because the information provided from it, which is most likely nothing, would not change our plans for this baby. There is no way around the fact that we are going to have to live with some uncertainty in all this. Ultrasound technology has it’s limits so we may not know until the baby is born what the extent of the clefting will be despite scheduled follow up exams. This, we are both learning to live with.
In all of this we are learning that life is precious. That this little guy was destined for our family. That in every challenge there is light at the end of the tunnel. That what you once may have defined as perfect can change. And that love will conquer all!
I know that this process will be ongoing until well after this little guy is born. We will have our good days and our bad days but we will get through them. We will get through them with the support and love of all those around us, family and friends. We will get through this and in the end we will have not 2 but 3 healthy, beautiful and PERFECT boys. How can we ask for anything more than that?
